Have you ever watched the stand up routine done by Bill Cosby called Bill Cosby: Himself? Please tell me you have. If you haven't, turn away from the computer, go find it, watch it, then come back. I'll wait.
Oh, good. You're back. Now, you remember when Mr. Cosby talked about being on a flight with the little boy named Jeffrey? Jeffrey was four years old, and the reason Mr. Cosby remembered Jeffrey's name is because Jeffrey's mother said "Jeffrey" the whole flight. The kid sounded like he was a handful. (And that's probably being nice about it.)
Yesterday, I boarded the plane for my first flight of the day. It was a puddle jumper, and my seat was all the way in the back. I thought I was very lucky because I had the row to myself, and it appeared that the row in front of me was going to be empty as well. Score!
I took my book back out and continued to read while I waited for the flight to finish boarding. And at the very last second, SHE arrived.
The female version of Bill Cosby's Jeffrey.
She, along with her mother, plopped herself down right in front of me. My first thought was, oh what a cute little girl! Then I had my first heart attack. POW! My heart slammed against my chest as I readied to hit the deck to protect myself from whatever gunfire had gone off.
Except that it wasn't gunfire. The little girl discovered that if you pushed down the window cover REALLY HARD, it would make the 32 year old behind you think shots were being fired, and well, you know, that's great fun. (Just so you know, this happened 12 times while I was on that plane. Good times.)
I wish I could tell you the little girl's name, but all her mom called her was, "Sugar" in a really high pitched squealy voice. (Stick a fork in my eye, please.)
Sugar decided that she wanted a drink of water right when the plane was getting ready for take-off. She screamed and she cried and she unbuckled herself all while her mother squealed, "Please, Sugar, sit down and buckle up. Please? Can you do that for mommy?"
It took the flight attendant walking back, looking at that little terror and firmly saying, "I need you to SIT DOWN and BUCKLE UP." I could have kissed her.
I knew the second flight of the day wasn't going to get any better when this girl sat down next to me, looked back at her friend (who was behind me) and exclaimed, "OH THANK GAWD! That isn't my ex. He's CUUUUTE though!" Then she burst into a fit of giggles. It wasn't long until her friend Miss *cough* *cough* *cough* joined us in our row. (If I get sick, I'm hunting her down and punching her in the neck.)
They made it incredibly hard for me to read. I heard all about how Miss Giggle McGiggly had three lovers, and one was leaving his wife for her, but she didn't want him to. And he wanted to get her pregnant, but she didn't want that either.
I also know there were seven cute guys on that flight. I know because they counted. Then Miss Coughbox leaned to Miss McGiggly and "whispered", "How can she just sit there and READ like that?" (Well I could read much better if you would shut up. And yes, I heard you say that.)
I finally put my earbuds in and pretended to sleep through all of their giggles and chatter and crazy arm movements while they were telling their stories.
All the while thinking, I'm so blogging about this.
And now I'm in Denver, and that's just awesome.