Finding Me

I cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn't drawing or painting. Every single notebook from every single class in school is filled with silly little sketches. Sketches helped me focus on what the teachers were saying. I took a few art classes in junior high school, but most of my art comes from seeing something in my head and putting it onto paper or canvas. I used to love watching Bob Ross paint. I always would think, I can do that!

I remember vividly the day I discovered the awesomeness that is soft pastels. One day I was walking down the art supply aisle in Michaels' and on a whim bought a set and a new sketch pad. When I sat down to sketch with them, magic just happened. I fell in love. I knew I could make great things with this medium. I was lost in my own little world. I had to be reminded that I needed to do things like... eat. It was amazing.

I had this itch to create art all the time. I wanted to do something with my art. I started painting again. (I take painting by spells.) Someone I worked with convinced me I should do a show and have it at her house. The thought of creating art, like, all the time was scary but exciting to me. Maybe my co-worker was right and I could do this.

That show never happened. My whole world changed and I became lost in a world where I wasn't happy. Life was hard and scary and instead of using my art as an escape, I almost abandoned it. I still would sketch on scrap paper because that's how I think, but I would only paint in tiny moments of sort of happiness or if someone asked me to paint/draw something for them. I convinced myself that my art sucked. I was so painfully unhappy that I couldn't see how special I was or how special my gift was.

Slowly, as I worked my way out of the dark cloud that surrounded me, I found that I enjoyed painting again. Yet, I still hadn't rediscovered the itch to create. I used my art as the place I escaped to when I felt life trying to pull me back into that dark cloud. It was my happy place and for a few years now, that's been just fine with me.

Today, I was in the shower thinking thinking thinking and something hit me. I have the itch to create art again. Not as an escape, but because I have a gift. Why am I hiding my gift? Why don't I create more? I should create more. I want to create more. I will create more. And for the first time in a really long time, I'm excited about it. I'm really starting to feel like me. Hello, me!

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11 comments:

Kirsten said...

Hello, you! Glad you are embracing your talent! I hope you'll be sharing your art with us - you know, the ones who don't have artistic talent.

jen said...

Hello April!!

You are a beautiful person and when you smile you light up...at the end of this post I totally see you with a huge smile on your face and light flashing out of your eyes.

Enjoy your art again - a blind man could see the happiness and excitement in this post!

much love, jen

*Lissa* said...

Go! Create!

In case you are wondering, I love to showcase my friends' talent in my home. ;p

Heather Anne said...

I love this. It reminds me of this great Stella Adler quote:

"Life beats down and crushes the soul, and art reminds you that you have one."

Bacardi Mama said...

Hello April! I hope you will be letting us see some of your work. I am in awe of people who such a gift. I have a problem drawing stick people. Enjoy!

Christie O. said...

hi YOU! Yes, I hope you'll share some of your creations!! I can't wait to see all of that art and beauty POUR OUT OF YOU! You have so much of it!

Brooke said...

of course you're gonna take pics and let us see. right?? cause it'd be a shame not to!

Roo said...

I am so happy for you! Please share your art with us. If you don't it'll be ME popping YOU. Mkay? ;)

~Mendie~ said...

that is great...I have no artistic talent whatsoever so its amazing to hear the excitement in your voice about wanting to find yours again.

Cant wait to hear about it more!

imadramamama said...

You should totatlly create. Go, do it. NOW!

Midwest Mommy said...

Hey, how are you? Ok? Hope everything is good.

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