Just a few random (or not so random thoughts)

One week and two days until my 33rd birthday. I haven't written here much. I am blocked. I let stress take over, and words have left me. Or I should say that perfect words have escaped me. I have questioned my ability as a writer.

"Maybe you can't make it as a writer after all, April."

I write those words and half smile to myself. They seem silly to me. I am a writer. It's the first thing I tell people when they ask what I do for a living. Of course, I use the disclaimer that my writing doesn't pay the bills. Yet. Which, if my writing never pays the bills, I'm okay with that because I love to write.

So, why am I blocked? This blog doesn't have to be perfect. It's about me and I am far from perfect. I actually love that about myself.

I love that I am constantly figuring out who I am and what I like and dislike. More than one person in my life has told me to never change, and I feel like that is the worst thing to say to a person. I spent the majority of my twenties being a person that I wasn't. Now, most days I feel like a small child who is discovering new things in this world every single day. I feel myself becoming more and more comfortable in my skin.

It's quite an amazing feeling, but I'm thinking maybe that is why my writing fails me. I was sitting in a session at a recent conference and I thought, my blog is about to go somewhere. I don't mean make it big because I don't really care about that. I care more about touching lives. What I think those thoughts meant is I feel myself changing. I feel my writing changing. (Or maybe some of the focus of my writing changing? Hmm. Maybe I just think too much.) Maybe I just don't know what to do with all of these feelings I have yet. Maybe, what I mean is that maybe, just maybe, this blog is about to become more "me". Hmm.

Should be fun to see what happens.

PS. I should note that I made a deal with two people in particular that I would show off my rapping skills. I'm sure that alcohol will need to be involved to have this happen but expect this deal to be paid in full right here on this blog soon.

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7 comments:

Roo said...

I love you.

And? I need to see this deal fulfilled. I mean I DID take an Irish car bomb for you. I'm just sayin. ;)

Somnia said...

I don't think anyone should ever stop changing. Change is good for the soul. It allows things to become different and unfamiliar. It takes us into a place unknown to ourselves and sometimes that place is just where we need to be. You are a writer!!

I am looking forward to seeing this deal fulfilled.

Brooke said...

i can't wait to go along for the ride and read all about it!

Bacardi Mama said...

This sounds like a Fitbloggin deal to me. I love you April, just as you are. Change is a good thing too. I think we all change all the time. That is what makes us...us. I can't wait to witness the rappin skills.

Bari said...

It sounds like someone learned something at FitBloggin about being true to yourself and being authentic. And change is good. Without change we would stagnate and never move forward. Where is the fun in that?

ps-can't wait for the rap!

MitaKay said...

Change is never a bad thing unless you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Stay true to you and you can't go wrong.

esss said...

Love your blog.. I have bookmarked it so that I can come back & read more..
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