Just a few random (or not so random thoughts)

One week and two days until my 33rd birthday. I haven't written here much. I am blocked. I let stress take over, and words have left me. Or I should say that perfect words have escaped me. I have questioned my ability as a writer.

"Maybe you can't make it as a writer after all, April."

I write those words and half smile to myself. They seem silly to me. I am a writer. It's the first thing I tell people when they ask what I do for a living. Of course, I use the disclaimer that my writing doesn't pay the bills. Yet. Which, if my writing never pays the bills, I'm okay with that because I love to write.

So, why am I blocked? This blog doesn't have to be perfect. It's about me and I am far from perfect. I actually love that about myself.

I love that I am constantly figuring out who I am and what I like and dislike. More than one person in my life has told me to never change, and I feel like that is the worst thing to say to a person. I spent the majority of my twenties being a person that I wasn't. Now, most days I feel like a small child who is discovering new things in this world every single day. I feel myself becoming more and more comfortable in my skin.

It's quite an amazing feeling, but I'm thinking maybe that is why my writing fails me. I was sitting in a session at a recent conference and I thought, my blog is about to go somewhere. I don't mean make it big because I don't really care about that. I care more about touching lives. What I think those thoughts meant is I feel myself changing. I feel my writing changing. (Or maybe some of the focus of my writing changing? Hmm. Maybe I just think too much.) Maybe I just don't know what to do with all of these feelings I have yet. Maybe, what I mean is that maybe, just maybe, this blog is about to become more "me". Hmm.

Should be fun to see what happens.

PS. I should note that I made a deal with two people in particular that I would show off my rapping skills. I'm sure that alcohol will need to be involved to have this happen but expect this deal to be paid in full right here on this blog soon.

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