My Life Began at Thirty

When I talk to people and hear about their past experiences, such as, getting married, having kids, taking vacations, traveling through Europe, experiencing the world, it sometimes makes me sad. Or not really sad, just a little bit out of sorts, I guess is a better way to put it. It makes me realize just how much I HAVEN'T done in my life.

I've never been out of the country. I've only been to a handful of states. Hang on-17 states to be exact. And if I'm being totally honest, I've spent most of my life sitting right here in this city.

If I let myself think on this too much, I could very easily get down on myself for being the scared little girl that I was for so very long. For letting others manipulate what I do and how I think and feel. Sometimes I still do get down on myself.

I think about those years where I let others have such power over me. I used to think myself as weak, but now I realize that I was lost and just begging to be found. I feel very lucky that I didn't let those people truly find me.

I used to regret decisions that I made. I would have so much guilt inside of me that I would literally make myself sick.

I realize now that I was on a path to self discovery. And along the way, while others that I cherish so deeply in my heart now were finding me, I was also finding myself. I realized how very cool the person I found was. (Okay, well, she's a bit oversensitive, but we can't be perfect, right?)

Choices I make now are rarely seen as a regret or laced with guilt. No matter the outcome, every experience in my life happens for a reason. Good or bad, things happen and experiencing these things in life is how we grow. How we learn more about ourselves.

Recently, I took my two year old nephew to the grocery store, and it reminded me of how new to this world he still is. Every day, he learns, and experiences something new and exudes such joy at these new experiences. It's amazing to witness.

Then, I realized that I'm not so different than my nephew. Since discovering who I am, I feel like I'm a brand new person. Just like him. I feel like my life began at thirty. I see the world through such wide eyes, and while some things are extremely disappointing, I realize what a wonderful planet we live on. (We should take better care of it.) How beautiful people can be.

I'm not in the middle of my life. I'm in the beginning of my life, and it's a wonderful place to be.

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Heather D said...

Yes, you are! Love this, love you!

Mommy Mo said...

This is an excellent post April! You are just beginning your life and I'm so happy to be along for the ride.

Erin said...

I love this. So, you've never been to Europe? Who says you can't go in five years? Life is what you make of it, and I know you'll make it great.

Bacardi Mama said...

What a beautiful post. I agree with Erin, who says you can't go to Europe? And by the way, you've been to way more states than me.

Midwest Mommy said...

I have that Tim McGraw song stuck in my head. Great post!

Kirsten said...

I'm so glad that you feel like you're in discovery mode all over again. It's all where your focus is. On the future or in the past.

~Mendie~ said...

This makes me smile...I'm glad I'm meeting you at the beginning of your journey!

Crooked Eyebrow said...


It(life) is all right there just waiting for you, go for it!

Christie O. said...

That's right, girl. It's never too late to start living. XO

Heather of the EO said...

I totally get this. I don't know, it just took me so long to embrace myself, just as I am. I mean, 35 is not OLD, but it always seemed like other people were all comfortable with who they are and grown-up and I felt like such a scared child.
It's good to arrive, and to continue to arrive.

Love you.

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