My Thoughts While at the Eye Doctor

Thirty minutes past my appointment time. Why am I still in the waiting room?

I really could pee, but I'll hold it and just go after I get home.

FINALLY. She called my name. Shit. Now she's going to blow in my eye when that stupid machine.

And of COURSE she doesn't remember that I have a hard time not blinking.

Sure she says that this thing won't poke my eye, but what if she slips and it pokes my eye out. And she wants me not to blink. Right.

And you would know that my nose would just to stop up right now at this moment. Because earlier when I wasn't going to have an eye doctor in my face looking at my eyes was a much better time for the ability to breathe from my nose.

Yeah, I fucked that line all up.

My eye doctor reminds me of a kindergarten teacher.

Okay, yeah. I do know the words for "up and down" and "sideways".

NO NO NO NO. I do not want to dilate my eyes, but you obviously do, so do I have a choice?

Why does it take 15 minutes for your eyes to dilate, but 3 years for it to go away?

It cannot be healthy to be shining this bright light into my wide open pupil.

Oh no, what is that contraption she just placed on my face? It's pressing against my sinuses. PLEASE, nose, do not drip snot and embarrass us. I will cut you off my face if you do.

I totally shouldn't have had onions on my salad at lunch.

She's still looking inside my pupil. I wonder what she'd say if I asked if she could just make sure my brain is in there.

It can't be good that I'm now seeing blood vessels or nerves or both in the reflection of the light. Can it?

Okay, now I REALLY have to pee.

Finally time to go home...whoa, why do all the car lights look like giant orbs?

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Bacardi Mama said...

Sounds like my last eye doctor visit.

Anonymous said...

Dude, I hate the eye doctor for all of those reasons. Ugh.

~Mendie~ said...

eye doctors suck...hope your pupils are back to their normal size now.

Midwest Mommy said...

I only had an eye exam once, you totally just wrote my entire experience.

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