Have you ever watched the stand up routine done by Bill Cosby called Bill Cosby: Himself? Please tell me you have. If you haven't, turn away from the computer, go find it, watch it, then come back. I'll wait.

Oh, good. You're back. Now, you remember when Mr. Cosby talked about being on a flight with the little boy named Jeffrey? Jeffrey was four years old, and the reason Mr. Cosby remembered Jeffrey's name is because Jeffrey's mother said "Jeffrey" the whole flight. The kid sounded like he was a handful. (And that's probably being nice about it.)

Yesterday, I boarded the plane for my first flight of the day. It was a puddle jumper, and my seat was all the way in the back. I thought I was very lucky because I had the row to myself, and it appeared that the row in front of me was going to be empty as well. Score!

I took my book back out and continued to read while I waited for the flight to finish boarding. And at the very last second, SHE arrived.

The female version of Bill Cosby's Jeffrey.

She, along with her mother, plopped herself down right in front of me. My first thought was, oh what a cute little girl! Then I had my first heart attack. POW! My heart slammed against my chest as I readied to hit the deck to protect myself from whatever gunfire had gone off.

Except that it wasn't gunfire. The little girl discovered that if you pushed down the window cover REALLY HARD, it would make the 32 year old behind you think shots were being fired, and well, you know, that's great fun. (Just so you know, this happened 12 times while I was on that plane. Good times.)

I wish I could tell you the little girl's name, but all her mom called her was, "Sugar" in a really high pitched squealy voice. (Stick a fork in my eye, please.)

Sugar decided that she wanted a drink of water right when the plane was getting ready for take-off. She screamed and she cried and she unbuckled herself all while her mother squealed, "Please, Sugar, sit down and buckle up. Please? Can you do that for mommy?"

It took the flight attendant walking back, looking at that little terror and firmly saying, "I need you to SIT DOWN and BUCKLE UP." I could have kissed her.

I knew the second flight of the day wasn't going to get any better when this girl sat down next to me, looked back at her friend (who was behind me) and exclaimed, "OH THANK GAWD! That isn't my ex. He's CUUUUTE though!" Then she burst into a fit of giggles. It wasn't long until her friend Miss *cough* *cough* *cough* joined us in our row. (If I get sick, I'm hunting her down and punching her in the neck.)

They made it incredibly hard for me to read. I heard all about how Miss Giggle McGiggly had three lovers, and one was leaving his wife for her, but she didn't want him to. And he wanted to get her pregnant, but she didn't want that either.

I also know there were seven cute guys on that flight. I know because they counted. Then Miss Coughbox leaned to Miss McGiggly and "whispered", "How can she just sit there and READ like that?" (Well I could read much better if you would shut up. And yes, I heard you say that.)

I finally put my earbuds in and pretended to sleep through all of their giggles and chatter and crazy arm movements while they were telling their stories.

All the while thinking, I'm so blogging about this.

And now I'm in Denver, and that's just awesome.

As I was driving to the grocery store this evening, a skunk crossed the street in front of me. (Is that bad luck? I mean, it wasn't a cat, but still. Not that cats are bad luck or anything. Just wondering.) And it reminded me of this story. Let laughing commence...

There was just something about this election that I knew was going to be special. And as tired as I was getting of listening to debates and rally speeches, I was still excited for Election Day. Little did I know, that no other Election Day will ever be this good for me ever again. And no folks, I'm not talking about who won or lost here.

I got up early that morning so I could go vote. Getting up early is hard for me anyway, but add me being out of coffee and it was raining to the mix, and you have one grouchy person. So I get to Fire Station #13 (this is where I vote) and the line was-well it was long. And not only that, I got in front of two fellas that would not shut up.

Then the line starts to move. And it's moving fairly quickly. This is great! I may get coffee before I die from my brain turning to mush yet. I'm literally feet from the door-well quite a few feet, but I was close, and the line stops. Dangit. And then...

I look up to the house that's next door. It has the most fabulous front yard, oh and look, there's a nice kitty-wait. Is that? It is. It's a skunk and he's scurrying his way on down towards us.

Me to the talkers: "Fellas, we're about to have company." I point to Pepe'.
One of the talkers: "Oh, shit."

We watched that skunk scurry all the way right to us. He is was literally 10 feet away from me before he ever realized that something wasn't right about his morning walk. He jumps. Two hundred people gasp. One of the talkers whispers, "No body move." I hear a woman somewhere in front of me take off running screaming something about holding her place in line. (What part of "no body move" did she not get?) He decides we are not going to hurt him, so he starts walking back up the yard a bit, then turns right (all he wanted to do was get to the field across the street), fifty people bolt, he freezes. A minute later, he's headed back up the yard. He decides to try again. Fifty people bolt. He freezes. He comes back down to where I was. Just looks at us as if to say, "Make my day." Finally, he scurries on back up the yard and into the woods.

I'll always wonder who he voted for.

Attention dude readers and/or those that possibly embarrass easily! The following post is about things we girls call that time of the month and products used during that time of the month. Consider yourself warned.

As a kid, I had horrible allergies. You name it, I was most likely allergic to it. This included all things scented. As I got older, I became immune to most of my allergies, including the "all things scented" ones. Or so I thought.

A few months ago, I grabbed a box of tampons not knowing that I had grabbed the scented ones. (Lesson 1: Read the box before purchase.) Once I realized they were scented, I didn't think TOO much about it, and things were okay.

The following month, that pesky little visitor reared her ugly head at my door, and I again used the scented tampons. I realized, then, that the scented tampons, um, bothered me, I guess is the best way to put it. So, I headed to Target, got unscented ones, and all was well again. I put the scented ones away instead of throwing them away because, ya know, I paid good money for those things and they shouldn't go to waste. SOMEONE may need them.

Enter today. I was going about my morning routine of stumbling out of the bed, to the shower, and stumbling out of the shower (I really should get up earlier and drink coffee before I shower.), and then I realized that I was out of the unscented tampons. All I had were the scented ones.

Imagine this. I'm standing in my bathroom trying to decide whether to chance the scented ones just long enough to get to work and get one of those horrible ones from the bathroom, OR chance an accident. Yes, I actually thought about chancing it with nothing. That's how uncomfortable these things make me. I decided to chance it with the scented ones.

Have you ever witnessed, Flo angry? I mean sure, she gets pouty and grumpy and gives you cramps and bloats you and makes you want chocolate so bad that if you don't get chocolate, heads will roll, but have you seriously really seen her angry?

People, she breathed fired today. Flo decided that since I was going to ignore her refusal of scented tampons, she was going to give me hell. She whined. She bitched. She moaned. And she breathed fire on me ALL DAY LONG. I'm still in pain.

How much do you want to bet I never run out of unscented tampons again?

Dear Flo, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I'll give you chocolate.

When I talk to people and hear about their past experiences, such as, getting married, having kids, taking vacations, traveling through Europe, experiencing the world, it sometimes makes me sad. Or not really sad, just a little bit out of sorts, I guess is a better way to put it. It makes me realize just how much I HAVEN'T done in my life.

I've never been out of the country. I've only been to a handful of states. Hang on-17 states to be exact. And if I'm being totally honest, I've spent most of my life sitting right here in this city.

If I let myself think on this too much, I could very easily get down on myself for being the scared little girl that I was for so very long. For letting others manipulate what I do and how I think and feel. Sometimes I still do get down on myself.

I think about those years where I let others have such power over me. I used to think myself as weak, but now I realize that I was lost and just begging to be found. I feel very lucky that I didn't let those people truly find me.

I used to regret decisions that I made. I would have so much guilt inside of me that I would literally make myself sick.

I realize now that I was on a path to self discovery. And along the way, while others that I cherish so deeply in my heart now were finding me, I was also finding myself. I realized how very cool the person I found was. (Okay, well, she's a bit oversensitive, but we can't be perfect, right?)

Choices I make now are rarely seen as a regret or laced with guilt. No matter the outcome, every experience in my life happens for a reason. Good or bad, things happen and experiencing these things in life is how we grow. How we learn more about ourselves.

Recently, I took my two year old nephew to the grocery store, and it reminded me of how new to this world he still is. Every day, he learns, and experiences something new and exudes such joy at these new experiences. It's amazing to witness.

Then, I realized that I'm not so different than my nephew. Since discovering who I am, I feel like I'm a brand new person. Just like him. I feel like my life began at thirty. I see the world through such wide eyes, and while some things are extremely disappointing, I realize what a wonderful planet we live on. (We should take better care of it.) How beautiful people can be.

I'm not in the middle of my life. I'm in the beginning of my life, and it's a wonderful place to be.

I realize that there comes a time as you get older when things just happen. You get more hairs on your chin, staying up late is like 11 p.m., and OMG, did I tell you guys that I found a GREY HAIR yesterday? (Pulled that sucker out.) There is one thing though, that I've decided just magically happens when you turn 32. (Please don't disagree with me on this. It'll kill my day. Seriously.)

I KNOW I used to bitch and moan about always being carded for alcohol. I know that even in my 20's I looked 12, and carding me was necessary, and I SHOULDN'T have been offended. I stupidly was. And I get that as you get older or frequent certain places where you know the waiters/bartenders, carding also isn't going to happen as much. But I swear to you, it's like I turned 32, and I haven't been carded since. (Okay, maybe I've been carded once, but still.)

What the hell? Do I just magically all of a sudden LOOK old? I get that 32 may be ancient when you're 15 and working in a grocery store, but come on, make a woman's day, will you?

I'm just going to be honest, if you're checking me out, and don't ask me for my ID, I'm going to give it to you anyway. And if I'm in the self check out, I may just waive my ID until you come check it.

I seriously had no idea that this would bother me. People warned me. I laughed at them. And here I am offended every time I don't get carded. So, there's a lesson here for all you youngins out there. Don't be offended when you get carded. You're going to turn 32 one day, too.

Now, if you'll excuse me...I'ma go have a beer. *sniff*

Aherm...note to any dude readers or those who may embarrass easily, DO NOT read further. Just know that my dad may or may not have seen something that was not for his eyes. The End. But if you're cool with all things that we'll term, bedroom fun, then please read on. -Management



People, I am a 32 year old single woman. Have been for many, many years now. (Like forever.) I enjoy my single life, yet, I am still a woman, and I still have certain, um, needs that must be satisfied. While I haven't gone too crazy with it, I do have a few certain, um, toys, that I have acquired. There. I said it.

Being a single woman LIVING ALONE, I don't always feel the need to put things away in my bedroom. I mean, really. Who is going to be in there? Right? Right. So, one of said toys may or may not have been laying out in plain sight. Yeah.

So, today I get a text message from my mom saying that they were at my house working on the air conditioning. Up until now, I've been able to deal with the heat. Now that it's getting very HOT and very HUMID, I want to be comfortable. So, long story short, my air conditioning wasn't working, and my dad was fixing it. I knew this would be happening. I did not know this would be happening today.

My mom told me that the air was fixed and did I want it left on? Yes, I thought, wait, no. That would mean that they would have to go into my bedroom to close the windows. Bad idea. So, I told her no, I would turn it on later and that's that.

Ten minutes later, I get another text that they were leaving it on and they shut the windows in my bedroom. Shit. I responded with, I told you I didn't want it on. She asked why. I said because there were things in my bedroom that I didn't want them to see. My mom still wasn't getting it. UGH. She said, that she didn't see anything and that she shut the window by my closet and my dad shut the window above my bed.

Great, mom, I said. That means Dad's the one that saw my bedroom toy. Awesome.

She insisted that he would have told her if he saw something and that he probably wouldn't know what it was anyway. RIGHT. Sure. I believe that.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. Um, yeah.

At first I was mortified. Now, I'm thinking that maybe they'll listen to me when I ask them to or not to do something.

My friends, Jessie and Rachael and I have had our beach trip to the Outer Banks, North Carolina planned for months and months. And better yet, it was going to be on my birthday! Yay!

Last Wednesday, I was headed to Bristol, VA to meet Brooke for lunch. On the way down, I felt my throat getting scratchy, but all the signs pointed to it being just allergies. So, I didn't worry too much.

By the time Saturday rolled around, I was in a full on summer cold. I dunno why, but the only time I ever get a cold is in the summer. It SUCKS. Big time. But I powered through it mostly, and I'm thankful that Jessie and Rachael gave me the orders to take it easy a couple of times.

Tuesday was my birthday. I had grand plans of having this super great post about how awesome I am (LOL), and then I had a major computer scare. I won't say what unless those bastards still are keeping an eye on my PC...okay, okay, I know that's probably not the case but I'm telling you, I was ready to throw shit last Friday night.

So, instead, you're getting a post birthday post...

I was kind of dreading the big 3 - 2. I'm not sure why, but it just felt like it was going to be different. I guess, now, I'm firmly into my 30's and I can feel that my body just isn't quite as young as it used to be. It isn't a bad thing. Just different.

During my 31st year, I met many, many of you fine folks, and let me tell you, you are some fabulous people. And even if I haven't met you in person yet, you're still fabulous and I love the promise of one day having that "real life" meeting.

When I think of my life now, I think of the picture above. I took it while we were waiting on a table at a great seafood restaurant in the OBX. (I had this feeling several times while I was at the beach, and this is the motto of people in the OBX, and when you're down there, you can totally see why.) While waiting on our table and watching the sun set, all I could think was yeah, I've had some stressful times here lately, but when I think about it? Think about all of you, my family, and where I'm headed in life, all I can think is.... life is good.

So, let's have it 32.

**sorry there are no links. I just can't get it to work right now, and I may hafta throw things if I mess with it too much**