I didn’t really want to go out that night. I waited until the very last second to take a shower, then I waited until the very last second to decide what to wear, then I waited until the very last second to get dressed, put my make up on. I waited until the very last second to decide to actually go.

A friend wanted me to go out with her to our ONE GAY CLUB. The problem was that I just didn’t FEEL like going. I mean, I had only been to that club once or twice and that was years ago. When I was “straight.” What would happen if someone I wasn’t attracted to asked me to dance? What would happen if I got there and felt uncomfortable? What if I got there and hated it, but felt obligated to stay because I didn’t want to leave my friend? What if I went there and no one wanted to dance with me?

I told myself that I didn’t feel like going, but now that I think about it, I was afraid. I was afraid of what might happen. Of might not happen. I was thinking exactly how I did when I tried so hard to be straight knowing that something just didn’t feel right.

I have a lot of feelings.

In a split second I decided to go. I would go and just have a good time.

My friend and I sat at the bar. I think I had been telling her about how I wasn’t sure if I would ever meet anyone who was my type in our town. I say, “I think” because right after that, my whole night, my whole world changed.

She walked in.

I felt so many feelings all at once. My head rushed, my heart slammed. “There is my type,” I told my friend and pointed to the beautiful woman who was standing near us at the bar.

Our eyes caught and I tried to smile, but I’m not sure if I did because I suddenly felt shy. I watched her as she walked off. I watched her with her friends. I watched her walk outside. I watched her as she stood in front of me, looked back at me and smiled. I watched her as she danced with the girl that I thought was her girlfriend.

My heart sank a little.

After a while on the dance floor, my friend said she needed to go out for some air and when I turned, there was the girl. I smiled. She smiled. Her hand touched mine, our bodies were pulled closer together by magic, or maybe it was her hand, who knows. All I know is that in that moment, when two people meet, there is a magic in the air. Time slows and you are the only two people in the world who exist.

Reality struck again when the one that I thought was her girlfriend approached. I backed off, put my hands up as if to say, “I’m sorry.” She smiled. “She’s not my girlfriend.” She pulled me back to her and we disappeared back into the world that we had created.

I’m not sure how long we danced. It could have been five minutes. It could have been five hours. I was so overwhelmed with feelings but the one that I felt most was that this? It felt right.