It's Wednesday, and you know what that means! It's weigh-in day over at the Sisterhood's Shrinking Days of Summer challenge! So, lay it on me, how did you do?

I only lost 0.2 lb this week, but considering that I have that monthly visitor that we all love to hate, I can't really complain. Any loss during this week of the month should be highly celebrated. I could have easily stepped on the scales and had a gain.

A lady at work this week complimented me on my weight loss. This particular person is not my favorite person to talk to, but I thanked her and tried to continue to work. She just stood there which meant she wanted to talk more. Great.

So, I looked back at her, and she asked me how I did it. (I've told her this before. But whatever.) So, I said, I just eat eat healthy and exercise. She asked how much more I want to lose. (She's never going away, is she?) I tell her 14 more pounds. And she tried to finish my sentence and say, "and then you can quit, right?"

Wrong. I politely answered no. Then I sort of when into lecture mode. I will have to eat healthy and work out for the rest of my life. (Seriously. Do I have to scream that IT'S NOT A DIET!!) I told her this is just my life now. And really while ever now and then I will give myself a break, I will never not eat healthy and work out. And I'm just fine with that. I'd rather eat healthy and BE healthy than to eat crap every single day and be back to a size 18!

I also learned that people I don't want to talk to will leave when I get on my exercise and nutrition soapbox. (Because they don't get it yet and don't want to hear that it's a lifestyle change.) Trust me, this was noted. :o)

Last week's weight: 143.4
This week's weight: 143.2

When I started this thing called healthy living, I gave myself the goal to lose 76 lbs. Now that I’m over ¾ of the way to my goal, I’m starting to think about how I want to celebrate this most awesome milestone in my life. I’ve thought about getting one of those industrial bars through my ear, you know, to show just how much of a bad ass I am. (Ha!) Or I thought about drawing up a new design and getting a new tattoo. Maybe I’ll save up and take a trip. Maybe I’ll do a couple of these things. My point here is that I knew that I was beginning a new life, I knew that I was going to lose weight, I knew that I was going to have to buy new clothes, I knew that I was going to do something to celebrate once I reached my goal. What I didn’t know or anticipate was that I would actually see the damage I did to my body by being so unhealthy.

Yep. I’m talking about scars. I heard Jillian Michaels talking about scars on her radio show once, and I thought I wonder how I will feel about them the closer I get to my goal. I mean, I have tons of scars. For whatever reason I scar easily. I guess I’m just lucky that way. Some of them I couldn’t tell you how they happened, and others, I remember the accidents quite vividly. (One may or may not involve running into a tree. Yeah, I know.) So, I wasn’t sure how I would feel about scars that come with gaining and losing weight. Now, I have those scars.

I have stretch mark scars where my skins is shrinking. I have them on my upper legs, my upper arms, my chest, and my stomach. Also, I’ve noticed that I have this little-I don’t even know what to call it, so let’s say, um, pouch? It’s located under my belly button.

Now, I know you moms are thinking what is she complaining for? Have a couple of kids, right? Well I promise you that complaining isn’t where I’m going with this. Just stick with me for a few more minutes. I know I can do things to reduce the looks for the scars (they’re honestly not THAT bad, but I can see them). And the little pouch? Well I know I can have it removed by some sort of modern day science if I choose. The fact is, I’m not sure I want to.

For now, I see these scars as a reminder of where I was, and where I don’t want to be any more. This has been a long and hard fought battle. And it’s a battle I’m sure I’ll sort of fight for the rest of my life, so I think I deserve to have a few scars. I have changed so much as a person. Not only on the outside, but the on the inside as well. I see the whole world differently, and I’m looking forward to exploring the world through these eyes. We all experience life differently. We’re all going to have scars of some sort, and we can choose to rid ourselves of these scars which is fine, or we can look at our scars as trophies. One day I may decided to get rid of my “trophies”, but for now, I’m keeping ‘em. Because you know, I never thought I would be strong enough to do something this difficult. I always saw myself as weak. Now I know that I’m not weak. I’m quite strong, in fact. And I have the scars to prove it.

I went 30 years, 8 months, and 5 days without ever having to wear a cast. Guess how old I am. Now guess what I got today. Yep. My first cast. Thank God it's a removable one.

Almost two weeks ago I fell and landed awkwardly. I didn't go to the doctor right away because I thought my thumb was just jammed. I jammed fingers all the time playing basketball. When my thumb didn't get any better, I figured I had done a real number on it. But I can move it, so it's not that bad, right? My friends thought differently. I got text messages and emails until I gave in. Now, I could sit and whine, but I'm not(anymore). I have to admit that my visit to the doctor today was amusing. So, I thought I'd share.

The waiting room started it off. There were three other women waiting for their appointments. One was quietly reading, the next one was chewing happily on a sandwich (who does that at the doctor's office?), and the last one was snoring so loudly that I swear I felt the floor vibrate. That poor woman was sawing enough logs for a cabin. I couldn't help but giggle to myself.

Why do the nurses always tell you that the doctor will be with you in just a minute? Is this a trick or do they just not know how to tell time? "Just a minute" is never less than 15 minutes. Maybe time inside that office is different than time in the real world.

I love the question, "Does it hurt?" I felt like saying, "Nope. Just thought I'd give you all a $20 co-pay for the hell of it."

I could see the doctor looking at my x-rays. I knew how he kept going back and forth between views that the news wasn't going to be good; however, when he showed me the fracture and said he was going to splint it, I thought this is good news, right?

Now, I don't know about you, but I've had splints plenty of times in my life, so I thought I was going to get this little metal thing that you tape around your wrist. Am I wrong in thinking that this is was a splint is? So, why did he just walk back into the room with a box almost the size of a shoebox? And what he pulled out of the was no splint. Nope. That's a cast, and it goes a good four inches past my wrist.

When the doctor was fitting me in my cast, he SQUEEZED my thumb right where it's fractured. Could I have gotten sued for kicking him in the balls for that? It would have been a reflex, I swear.

Also, why does my thumb hurt more now than it did before I went?

One last thing. When the nurse came back in to fill out the paperwork for this cast, was it mean of me to let her completely fill out the form for me (because my right thumb is the lame one), and then proudly announce that I'm left-handed when she handed me the pen to sign the form? I don't think so. ;o)

If you’re familiar with the television show The Biggest Loser, then you have seen the bullying, screaming, tough as nails trainer Jillian Michaels. But did you know that she does a radio show every Sunday morning? When I found this out, I decided to give it a listen. One of the first shows I listened to, Jillian talked about the dangers of Splenda. She completely trashed it. Said that it wasn’t safe as the manufacturer’s want us to believe. That they claim it’s calorie-free, but that it wasn’t true because what they do is take sugar and wash it in chlorine which causes your body to not absorb the calories. At that point, I looked down at my coffee that was sweetened with-you guessed it-Splenda in disbelief. This couldn’t be true, could it? I mean, I love Jillian, and I’m sure she knows her stuff when it comes to working out, but this just couldn’t be true. So, I decided to do a little digging of my own.

What I found is that experts aren’t really sure if Splenda is safe or not. Some people have side effects and some people don’t. What I do know is that to make Splenda, they take sugar (chemically known as sucrose) and replace parts of it with chlorine atoms (I found this on http://www.womentowomen.com/nutritionandweightloss/splenda.aspx). Now, I’m by no means an expert, and can only give my personal feelings and opinions on this, but did you catch that? Chlorine. Just like Jillian said. According to the article, your digestive system doesn’t recognize it. So, technically, it has calories, but your body just doesn’t absorb those calories.

The more I thought about it, the more I kept thinking about that chlorine. Is that something I want to put into my body? Like the article said, they don’t know if it’s safe, so why would I want to wait until the experts find out if it’s safe? Ok, decision made, I’m going to switch to a natural sugar substitute. Problem. I don’t like any of the ones that I’ve tried so far. I’ve tried Stevia, erythritol, and the new product on the market Truvia (which contains both Stevia and erythritol). I don’t like the aftertaste that Stevia and Truvia leave. And it takes so much erythritol to get my coffee sweet enough for my taste that I might as well just use sugar. The one natural sugar substitue that I haven’t tried is xylitol. I haven’t tried it is because I haven’t been able to find it yet in the area that I live. Yes, yes, I know I can order it online and will probably do so soon, but what if I don’t like it either? I can’t use regular sugar. There are way too many calories in sugar for that. I might as well go to Starbucks every day (hmmm-no, I can’t do that). And I won’t give up coffee. It’s not happening. I mean, soda is one thing I think I can give up(well mostly), but coffee? Nope. I guess the thing to do is to just try the xylitol and see what happens. I’ll keep you posted.

This is my first weigh-in with the girls (and boy) from the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans. If you haven’t gone over and checked the site out…go. Seriously, go now! The challenge is Looking Fine for Valentines. My goal: to break through this damn plateau. If it’s not this week, next, or even the week after, by the end of this challenge I WILL break through this plateau. So, let’s see how I did.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! What in the world? For a split second I’m wondering why the alarm clock is going off a full 30 minutes earlier than normal, then I realize…today is weigh-in Wednesday. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I’m anxious to see if I can finally get below 153 pounds. On the other hand what if I gained? I step on the scales, and I suddenly feel like I’m a contestant on the game show Press Your Luck but instead of cheering for “big money”, I’m cheering for a lower number, and “no whammies!” Come on, lower number, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy! STOP!

OMG! It’s a loss! I did it! I broke the plateau! I’m at 151.4! No more 153 lbs! I vow to never see that number on the scales again!! (Side note: should I decide one day to have a child and get back to the 150s, I will not see 153. I’ve decided I’m gonna skip over it.) I was at 153 for months and truly sick of seeing that number on the scales. I took a break from losing weight and weekly weigh-ins because of it. But now, even though it‘s not as big of a number that I was accustomed to seeing when I began all of this a year a ago, I’ll definitely take it!


Starting weight: 153.0
Today’s weight: 151.4

I bought a set of scales yesterday. For the past year, I've been weighing myself once a week at my parents' house. Now, it was time to get my own set. Since I was a teenager, I had a fear of the scales. It was so bad that I didn't get on a set of scales for years. I don't even know how many years. I wasn't like those folks on the Biggest Loser (which is one of my favorite shows, by the way), so I didn't need to get on those stupid scales. I exercised for crying out loud, it couldn't be that bad, right? Right? Then one day...

I was working out in our gym at work, and I felt really good about my 30 minutes on the elliptical. I FELT like I had lost a little weight, so it couldn't be that bad. Let's see what they say, I thought. Um, wow, I wonder if these scales are broken. No worries. There's another set right over there. They'll be right. I'm sure there's something wrong with the first set-whoa. Are you kidding me?? What.The.Hell. I had a bigger problem than I thought. This HAD to be fixed.

Thus, began the weekly weigh-in. Once a week, at my parents' house. I still had enough of a fear of them that I didn't want them in MY house. But slowly, that fear became determination, and the scales became a tool that I needed to succeed in my weight loss journey. Now I have my own, and I'm anxiously awaiting Wednesday which will mark the beginning of my love/hate relationship with my scales. I will weigh in and if I've broken the plateau, I will love them. If I'm still at the same weight or if, God help me, I gain, then I'll try my best not to throw them out of the window. :o)

Oh wow, two posts in a week? Jeez. But, something someone said to me today got me thinking. And those of you who know me, KNOW that sometimes can be a dangerous thing. Just sayin. :o)

A girl at work complimented me today on my weight loss. It blows my mind that I'm still getting compliments. And the question, "were you trying to lose weight" amuses me. First of all, I've not been out of work and I don't look sick, so yes, I've been trying to lose weight. But I guess that the issue of weight loss can be a touchy subject, so instead of saying "here's your sign", I just smile, nod, and thank them for the compliment. (Note: in the past I would probably have not taken the compliment well and would shyly nod or something, but now I proudly say, "Yes, I have lost a lot of weight". I've worked hard dangit.) Anyway, so then she asks me was it hard to lose the weight. I have trouble with this question because part of me wants to scream, yes it's hard, I've worked my ass off. But honestly, once you have all of the puzzle pieces in front of you and you figure out what works for you, it isn't hard at all.

Now, is it tedious? Can be. Is it a struggle? Sometimes. But it isn't hard. No seriously. It isn't. So, if you want to know my secret, here it is: there is no secret! It's "calories in" versus "calories out". That's it. Simple math, right? Now, for those of you that are thinking what a headache counting calories would be, you're right. At first, it stinks. I had to first figure out how many calories a day I was eating. Once I had that, I figured out my BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate: this basically is how many calories you burn in a day if you just sit and do nothing), then I set my calorie limit that would sustain me, but create a deficit. So, basically what this means is that I can have anything I want as long as I stay within that limit. Additionally, I made the choice to cut out as many processed foods as possible. This gives my body the right kinds of foods to fuel my body for working out. Which is the next part. I created (with the help of my fitness hero #1), an exercise plan that I could follow no matter what my schedule is. If there are days/weeks that I can allow for more exercise, awesome, if not, then that's cool too. Also, I started strength training. For years and years, all I could think was cardio, cardio, cardio. Which is fine, but strength training builds muscle which in turn boosts your metabolism. Once I put all of these puzzle pieces together, the weight started to melt off. And eventually I learned how many calories things have in them, and really don't have to journal how much I eat. (I will spot check myself every so often.)

Of course that's the short of it. There are dozens of details that I could talk about all day. But I won't (unless you want to know). And if some of you think that it sounds familar, it's basically what they do with the contestants on the Biggest Loser. The key is to figure out how many calories are right for you (but NEVER go below 1200!). Or really, the key is to figure out what method works for you. If it's Weight Watchers, great! If it's another program, great! The point is to remember a diet isn't something that you go on and come off, your diet is how you eat (thank you, Bob).

First, let me say, for those who are interested, I will continue my story on Charlotte soon.

So, thanks to some newfound online friends (girls, you know who you are!), I’ve decided to come back to the blog. It’s not like I quit writing on purpose…it’s just been a rough few months. That said, HELLO 2009! I am so glad you are here. And good-bye 2008...how I won’t miss you. You sucked. (Sorry, but you did.)

Well most of it did anyway. It rocked in the fact that I am down 53 lbs (yep, you read that right) AND I managed to maintain during the holidays. I can’t tell you how stoked I am. This holiday season I found that I could enjoy all of my favorites (even dark beer), and not go crazy with it. If I wanted a slice of cake or drink a pint of Winter Lager, dangit, I was going to have it, and that’s ok.

Which brings me to what I have decided to talk about in this post. Learning to not deprive myself of my favorites, but to not go too crazy was a harder thing that I thought. The thing is, I am not a binge eater. I never have been, but during the holidays I probably would go a little crazy because, after all, “it’s the holidays”! This holiday season, I decided I needed a break from being militant with diet and exercise because of personal reasons and because I have hit the dreaded plateau. That’s right a plateau. For weeks and weeks I’ve been stuck at 53 lbs lost and I have 23 to go! And as fabulous as losing 53 lbs is, I hate plateaus. Seriously. I hate them more than the new Knight Rider. But I know that this is my body’s way of thinking it’s starving. If feels like it needs to hang onto those 23 lbs. It’s your body’s instinct to do this. That’s why losing 30 lbs or less is a whole different ball game than losing 50 or more. So, the answer to the problem (I hope), was a break. I exercised only two days a week and for the most part stayed within my calorie allowance, but if I wanted one of those homemade cookies that my grandmother made, well I had two. I just didn’t have five. Christmas Day, I ate whatever I wanted. And I enjoyed my New Year’s. Ok, confession: New Year‘s I went a little insane with food and drink, but it was my first New Year’s out of the house in years. And due to womanly reasons, I cannot be held responsible for my calorie intake on New Year's. :) My point is that going a LITTLE crazy is ok. It really is. So, if you’re in a plateau or just feel like you need a break, take it. Just be mindful and don’t go too crazy. My body, my mind, and my soul needed that month or so off.

Now, that said, it is a whole new year. A whole new ball game. And it’s time to refocus, put down the dark beer (and switch to lite. Dudes, I‘m not completely giving up beer. It‘s not going to happen.), pick up the clean, healthy foods, exercise my arse off, and lose these stubborn 23 lbs. I know it’s going to be a battle, but hopefully for now my body realizes that I’m not trying to starve it. I’m going to get this body in the best shape it has ever been in. I’ve promised myself that. So, 2009, welcome! It’s gonna be a good year.

So, I haven't talked about my fitness journey in a while because it's been quite a challenge here lately. And we all know how much plateaus suck, so I decided to just not write about it. Who wants to hear about how aggravated I was with working my tail off then stepping on the scales at the end of the week and seeing no weight loss, or if I'm lucky ONE pound loss. It's a tough thing for someone who was used to seeing two to four pounds shed per week. So what did I do? I took the week off. Yep. I think it was much needed, and my body appreciated it. And now I realize that I just don't have that much more to lose, so I WON'T have big loss weeks very often.

Now is the tough part. Getting back on track. You wouldn't think it would be tough, would you? I mean for months I've gotten into the routine of working out and eating right, so taking just one week off shouldn't be that big of a deal, should it? Well, it was harder than expected. It's very easy to become lazy and to just say, I'll start back tomorrow. What's just one more day, right? Well, that's what always has gotten me into trouble before. I would do SO good for a few months, then take a week off and all motivation was thrown out the window. Then before you know, I gained weight. So needless to say, I was a little nervous about taking a week off. What if it happened again? Then the end of my week off came, and it was time to start the engines again. And boy, was it tough. I found myself thinking of ways to get out of exercising. And thinking, well maybe I'll just start back tomorrow. But thanks to a motivational email and telling myself how ridiculous I was being, I didn't put off exercising. I got back into my exercise routine. However, what I did do was to be a little relaxed with my diet. I didn't go crazy, but I didn't worry about it TOO much either. That way I could concentrate on getting back into an exercise routine. Now, this week, I can concentrate back on diet. And it's GREAT to know that I can have weeks here and there when I don't have to be so strict with my diet, and it not affect my body too drastically.

I never would have thought I would have had a hard time getting re-started. But seriously, getting started is far easier than getting re-started. But, just know it CAN be done. It has to be done. And you'll thank yourself everyday when you accomplish that re-starting goal. So if you've accomplished that, good onya! If you're struggling with it, no worries....I KNOW you can do it!!

It took me almost thirty years to realize how much the phrase “Life is a Journey” is really true. Let me stop first and say, Hi, my name is April, and I spent most of my adult life being overweight. For years I have struggled with being healthy. I’ve always wanted to be thin, but I don’t think it really sunk in until fairly recently. It’s hard to explain but it’s like a switch just went off in my head and it all just made sense. I was given the tools and the understanding to know that, hey, I can do this…and not only am I going to do this, I’m going to embrace this new life. Because you see, deciding to live a healthy lifestyle goes way beyond the world of dieting. It really is a whole new lifestyle, and I think that is something I failed to understand every other time I tried to shed pounds. This isn’t something you can just do for a while and then quit once you are satisfied with how you look or feel. This is a lifestyle…and to keep it you must maintain it, which means eating healthy and exercising are going to be daily ritual for the rest of your life. Do I still things that I want? Sure. Every day? Nope. Which, I have decided, is fine. Almost six months ago I decided to really get serious about becoming healthy. I had lost approximately ten pounds up until then, but had a LONG way to go. I was doing 30 minutes of cardio, three times a week, every week, but I only had managed to lose about ten pounds (I say ten, but honestly, I’m not sure. I had a true phobia of the scales and wouldn’t get on them for the longest time, and once I did, my worst fear came true, but you know, I faced that fear, and somewhat overcame it.). So, I had to really decide, was I going to be happy with the way I was, or was I going to fix this thing that I felt was a problem. But deep down I wasn’t happy the way I was…so, I changed my diet. And with the help of a friend (one I trust like no other), I incorporated strength training with my new diet and my cardio.

Now, all of these months later, I feel like I’ve reached somewhat of a milestone. I’ve lost 45 pounds. Up until now, they have come off fairly easily. Now that I’m down to the last 31, man, is it getting tough. In the last three weeks, I have only lost TWO pounds. TWO. Not exactly something to celebrate about when you are as competitive as I am (and seriously, who am I competing against here? Not sure, but I guess that’s just the way I am). The thing is, I wanted to be at a certain point now, and I’m not and that frustrates me. I didn’t think these last 31 pounds would be hard. I figured the last 10 would be, but not the last 31. And what do I do? Short of calling up Jillian Michaels herself, I’m not really sure. Every week I play with numbers and tweak things here and there, and well, I get the same result. And if I were to call her show, I know what she’d say. So do I call? I’m not really sure. Hmmm…

But I think my real point in all of this is: am I going to give this up? Heck no. I don’t care if it takes the rest of my life to get to my goal… I’m going to do it. And not only am I going to do it…I’m going to rock it…own it…and LIVE it. As frustrating as it is to see the scales read one pound or no pounds lost that week, it is only going to make me more determined, and I will not REST until I have figured this puzzle out. So, I invite you to join me on the rest of my journey, because I have a feeling it is going to be a ride. And we will get there, and once we do, we’ll figure out where to go from there.