First, let me say, for those who are interested, I will continue my story on Charlotte soon.

So, thanks to some newfound online friends (girls, you know who you are!), I’ve decided to come back to the blog. It’s not like I quit writing on purpose…it’s just been a rough few months. That said, HELLO 2009! I am so glad you are here. And good-bye 2008...how I won’t miss you. You sucked. (Sorry, but you did.)

Well most of it did anyway. It rocked in the fact that I am down 53 lbs (yep, you read that right) AND I managed to maintain during the holidays. I can’t tell you how stoked I am. This holiday season I found that I could enjoy all of my favorites (even dark beer), and not go crazy with it. If I wanted a slice of cake or drink a pint of Winter Lager, dangit, I was going to have it, and that’s ok.

Which brings me to what I have decided to talk about in this post. Learning to not deprive myself of my favorites, but to not go too crazy was a harder thing that I thought. The thing is, I am not a binge eater. I never have been, but during the holidays I probably would go a little crazy because, after all, “it’s the holidays”! This holiday season, I decided I needed a break from being militant with diet and exercise because of personal reasons and because I have hit the dreaded plateau. That’s right a plateau. For weeks and weeks I’ve been stuck at 53 lbs lost and I have 23 to go! And as fabulous as losing 53 lbs is, I hate plateaus. Seriously. I hate them more than the new Knight Rider. But I know that this is my body’s way of thinking it’s starving. If feels like it needs to hang onto those 23 lbs. It’s your body’s instinct to do this. That’s why losing 30 lbs or less is a whole different ball game than losing 50 or more. So, the answer to the problem (I hope), was a break. I exercised only two days a week and for the most part stayed within my calorie allowance, but if I wanted one of those homemade cookies that my grandmother made, well I had two. I just didn’t have five. Christmas Day, I ate whatever I wanted. And I enjoyed my New Year’s. Ok, confession: New Year‘s I went a little insane with food and drink, but it was my first New Year’s out of the house in years. And due to womanly reasons, I cannot be held responsible for my calorie intake on New Year's. :) My point is that going a LITTLE crazy is ok. It really is. So, if you’re in a plateau or just feel like you need a break, take it. Just be mindful and don’t go too crazy. My body, my mind, and my soul needed that month or so off.

Now, that said, it is a whole new year. A whole new ball game. And it’s time to refocus, put down the dark beer (and switch to lite. Dudes, I‘m not completely giving up beer. It‘s not going to happen.), pick up the clean, healthy foods, exercise my arse off, and lose these stubborn 23 lbs. I know it’s going to be a battle, but hopefully for now my body realizes that I’m not trying to starve it. I’m going to get this body in the best shape it has ever been in. I’ve promised myself that. So, 2009, welcome! It’s gonna be a good year.

Later that day, as my younger brother and I were buying supplies for our new family member, we named her Charlotte. My family was big into basketball and this was a tribute to the old Charlotte Hornets NBA team. Boy, was this exciting! We had a puppy, and for the first week, Charlotte and I both regretted our decisions. To Charlotte, I was that awful woman who kept putting her in that dreadful crate at night. To me, Charlotte was the reason I was losing sleep. But I was determined that crate training would work, and eventually thing got better. She was such an active and happy dog. So eager to please, but with a mischievous streak. I remember one day coming home from work...I opened the front door and found four hours of Charlotte's work. See, we had decided to give her a little bit of freedom, and because of our mistake, Charlotte had a grand time. When I opened the front door, the first thing I saw was my prom shoes...both laying in a chewed up heap not far from the door. Next, I found a pair of my gym socks (where she found them, I couldn't tell you) lying down the hall and starting a path to my bedroom. A couple of stuffed animals later, I found my puppy underneath my bed, and I swear to you she smiled at me. Eventually, I got her trained, and the worst thing we would come home to was her lying on your pillow. The one thing we had a hard time of doing was keeping her from jumping. We knew it wasn't good for her back, but it seemed like the harder we tried, the more she would jump (the breed is a stubborn one as some of you know, I'm sure). We kept her weight down, except for one time for a bit when she was fed french fries everyday at lunch. I'm sure my brother knows nothing about it, right Clay??

Despite our best efforts, Charlotte began to have back troubles. She'd go through these spells, and we'd be on rounds of an anti-inflammatory which worked wonders. And as she grew older, she was increasingly becoming my mom's dog. I lived at home through college, so I saw her everyday and helped with her care, but she attached herself to my mom nonetheless. Still, I knew all major decisions for Charlotte were left on my shoulders.

"Charlotte's paralyzed." My mother's panic-stricken voice over the phone will forever ring through my mind. As I rushed from work to get to the vet's office all I could think was, would this be the day I would have to decide to put my beloved 6-year old dachshund down? I knew that ultimately the decision was mine...

Before I continue further with the most horrible day of Charlotte's life, let me give you a little background. I finally convinced my dad to let me have a dog. It took me 18 years, but I did it. His only requirements: it had to be a small dog. So, after extensive research, we settled on a miniature dachshund, and we went through the ads in the paper. We called, and the breeder said that she had three females left. So, off my mom and I took, driving thirty minutes to pick out my first dog. The last thing I expected was that she would pick me. The breeder opened the door to the "doggie room" and out bound three of the smallest butterballs I have ever seen. Two of them ran right past me as if to say, "eh" and boy were they all over the place. I watched them for a second, then turned my head to my feet and there she sat...sniffing and licking my toes. She then looked up at me as if to say, "well here I am. Aren't you going to pick me up so we can go home?'

I obliged. Picked her up, sniffed her puppy breath and said, "I'll take this one." As we paid, the breeder made it a point to emphasize how none of her dogs had ever had any back problems. Boy, were we relieved of that as we set along our merry way.

Phase 1, Week 1: So, I've been exercising for a while now and THOUGHT I was in pretty decent shape. I thought that until I started the exercise program known as P90X. For those of you who have never heard of it, Google it. I'll just tell you right now, it is the most insanely intense fitness program I have ever encountered. It puts my old basketball coach's practices to shame. Some part of my body has been sore ALL WEEK. The degree of soreness ranges from "eh, not so bad" to "oh my dear god I didn't know THAT muscle existed".

Now, for those of you who are still lost and haven't stopped reading long enough to Google it, here's the core (pun intended) of the program. It's a 13 week program split into 3 phases led by a little bit crazy instructor. I have no doubt that he is a fabulous trainer and loves every minute of what he does. Some of his "peeps" in the back I could do without, but hey, what's an exercise dvd without some crazy in shape chick who thinks she's beyond the bomb and a whole lot more, right? But, in this first week, I have done core training, strength training, cardio, martial arts, ab work, and yoga. Are you tired yet?? Well hang tight, I'm not done yet. Each day is around an hour or well over an hour long. My least favorite workout is yoga. For those of you who like it or love it...good onya. I don't. I have trouble clearing my mind and well, to be honest not falling, but I'm going to stick with it (for now) because I believe that this is a great program overall. My favorite program is probably the core training. I really felt like I got a total body workout without really killing myself that very first day. BUT the next day and the day after that, I was sore. I take that to mean it was a GREAT workout. The most effective (once I got the hang of it) is by far the ab routing. My obliques still are sore! And I'm going to be honest, for the most of this week, I have felt clunky, clumsy, and silly. I am no expert and a lot of this stuff is advanced. But you know...I did it. I completed Week 1. Bring on Week 2! Practice makes perfect, right?

So, I guess my point of all of this is that this is a really tough program. If you're just starting out, then my suggestion would be to not start with this program. Start with something else and build up to this program(there are tons of good programs out there). But if you're ready for something challenging and something a little more advanced (and just a little bit crazy), go for it. It is insanely intense. That is the only way I know to describe it, and I've only finished Week 1. (Wow, I feel like I should be getting paid for this mini-informercial). If a clumsy girl like myself can do it, so can you! Right now, for me, it's not so much about weight loss as it is to prove to myself, that I can do this, I can complete this, and my body will be in the best shape of its life!! Week 1 is complete, and we're gearing up for Week 2! So, are you up for the challenge?? I think you are...so BRING IT!

So, I haven't talked about my fitness journey in a while because it's been quite a challenge here lately. And we all know how much plateaus suck, so I decided to just not write about it. Who wants to hear about how aggravated I was with working my tail off then stepping on the scales at the end of the week and seeing no weight loss, or if I'm lucky ONE pound loss. It's a tough thing for someone who was used to seeing two to four pounds shed per week. So what did I do? I took the week off. Yep. I think it was much needed, and my body appreciated it. And now I realize that I just don't have that much more to lose, so I WON'T have big loss weeks very often.

Now is the tough part. Getting back on track. You wouldn't think it would be tough, would you? I mean for months I've gotten into the routine of working out and eating right, so taking just one week off shouldn't be that big of a deal, should it? Well, it was harder than expected. It's very easy to become lazy and to just say, I'll start back tomorrow. What's just one more day, right? Well, that's what always has gotten me into trouble before. I would do SO good for a few months, then take a week off and all motivation was thrown out the window. Then before you know, I gained weight. So needless to say, I was a little nervous about taking a week off. What if it happened again? Then the end of my week off came, and it was time to start the engines again. And boy, was it tough. I found myself thinking of ways to get out of exercising. And thinking, well maybe I'll just start back tomorrow. But thanks to a motivational email and telling myself how ridiculous I was being, I didn't put off exercising. I got back into my exercise routine. However, what I did do was to be a little relaxed with my diet. I didn't go crazy, but I didn't worry about it TOO much either. That way I could concentrate on getting back into an exercise routine. Now, this week, I can concentrate back on diet. And it's GREAT to know that I can have weeks here and there when I don't have to be so strict with my diet, and it not affect my body too drastically.

I never would have thought I would have had a hard time getting re-started. But seriously, getting started is far easier than getting re-started. But, just know it CAN be done. It has to be done. And you'll thank yourself everyday when you accomplish that re-starting goal. So if you've accomplished that, good onya! If you're struggling with it, no worries....I KNOW you can do it!!

Today is my 30th birthday(what would a "My Life at Thirty blog be without a post on the actual 30th birthday, right?). Like others have said before me, I don't really feel any different. Well, I don't feel older, I guess is a better way of saying it. I do feel different. It's been a big year for me. I completely changed my life as far as health and fitness goes. I've lost 47 pounds, and so I guess physically, I feel younger than I did this time last year. I also re-connected with an old friend, and now, a year later, I'm closer with her than I am with anyone. So, when I thought about how I wanted to spend my birthday, my only answer was, I just wanted to hang out with her.

See, my birthday in years past has truly been a dreaded day for me. I just haven't enjoyed it. I have been for years one of those that say, "eh, it's just another day." But this was my 30th. A milestone, if you will. The day that I leave those awful 20's behind me and really begin a new chapter. And to start this new chapter, the only way it seemed right, was to spend it with one of my most favorite people. And that's just what I did. I cherish every time we get to hang out, and whether we are going to Beer Heaven (lol), catching a movie, messing up the same phrase exactly the same way, at the same time, or just hanging out at home, I don't really care(it's the quality of the time, not the quantity, right?). We did all of those this weekend, and it's probably the best gift anyone has ever given me, and I wouldn't change a thing. Well, there was one thing I'd change(my stupidity there), but other than that one part, it really was the best birthday I've ever had.

So, here's to the next decade...let's see where it takes us. I have a feeling it's going to be a blast! :o)

"Family and Friends are hidden treasures. Seek them and enjoy their riches." That is one of my favorite quotations, but I've learned in the past ten or so years that some friends come and go (and some we may find again. ;o) ). And as much as that stinks, it's just reality. For whatever reason, very few friends in our lives (well my life) stick. And that's fine. I realize that people grow and/or change. Or rather the focus of their lives change, and that the friendship may not be what it was. What I find sad is that some individuals (not all, but some) have to break friendships off in such a bad way that we feel like we've been thrown back into that hell that was middle school.

Now, I don't want to go into too many details, but there's this one person in particular. We were what I thought to be good friends. I could feel us growing apart, but tried with everything in me to hold the friendship together. What I didn't realize at the time is that one person can't hold a friendship together, and unfortunately things didn't end well. That said, I can't for the life of me understand why there are still hard feelings two years later. TWO YEARS. Come on. Seriously, people. Just let things be. I know the friendship is gone and will never be again. I grieved for that friendship, then I moved on with my life. To waste anymore energy being angry is just that, a waste of energy. And I don't have the time for it. It does; however, amuse me when I see that person wasting energy (yes, I do have a little evil in me). But it also makes me a little sad (just a little). If that person would spend just a little less energy being angry at the situation, and put a little more energy into her life now, she may would be happier. Just sayin'. Without getting too deep here, I do sometimes wonder, was the friendship ever really real? I see my life now and I think, probably not.

I'm lucky now to be surrounded by a group of friends that support me, lift me up, and encourage me in whatever I do (sadly, the friendship mentioned above, I didn't have all of those things). I have friends that I talk to everyday (a few, it's almost a must), and some I talk to just a few times a year. They all are important to me. I credit these people as having a big part in my weight loss success. Without them, I know I would have already failed. Some of them I KNOW I will be friends with for the rest of my life. Some I may not, and as long as we can realize that it's just a "life changes" type of thing, I'm fine with it.