I’m sad to have to admit this. Some of my favorite memories of visiting my grandparents as a child was that we popped popcorn in a pot. Using something like microwavable popcorn was unheard of in my family. I used to love to go to the movies to get a bucket of popcorn smothered in the very bad for you butter (you don’t even want to know how many calories is in movie popcorn. Yes, I do know the answer to this).

But lately I’m really starting to hate popcorn. Let me explain. On the other side my cubicle wall is the floor’s kitchenette. I probably don’t need to even say more, but I’m going to. Sorry. Sort of. Sometimes this is good. I get to smell every cup of coffee brewed during the day, sometimes I get to smell some fabulous lunches being heated in the microwaves, and every now and then, I catch the best gossip that is going around the building. (I don’t make it a habit of eavesdropping, but if you’re dumb enough to say something loud enough, it’s not my fault that I sometimes hear it.) The bad thing about sitting here is that I also get to smell all the foul things that people eat. There should be a law against heating things like tuna at work.

Popcorn wasn’t always included in this list. In fact, I loved the smell of popcorn popping. Now, it makes me want to gag. I don’t know what the hell has gotten into everyone on my floor lately, but it seems like a good 2/3 of these women pop popcorn EVERYDAY. It starts at 10 a.m. which blows my mind because I’m still drinking coffee at 10 a.m. Also, at least once a day someone doesn’t use the convenient popcorn button that most microwaves now grace us with and burns her popcorn. Yesterday it happened twice.

Side story: There’s a lady on my floor that is a few bricks shy of a load. I almost feel bad for her, but she can be so hateful to people that I don’t feel bad for her. Well, someone walked off and left their popcorn to burn one day and she was in the kitchenette. I smelled it start to burn, then I heard her say, “this is starting to smoke.” I looked up. Starting? There was smoke rolling up to the ceiling. Then she said, “oh wow it’s on fire! What do I do?” Was she serious? I yelled “TURN IT OFF!!” To which she replied, “well I didn’t know if they wanted it that way.” What charred??? Yes, this is what I have to put up with on a daily basis.

To make matters worse, someone has taken to popping some sort of “organic” popcorn. Now, being the healthy eater that I am (most of the time), I’m all for these type of healthier changes. However, this is the most God awful smell I have had the displeasure of experiencing. It smells like someone has put an old pair of sweaty gym socks and set the microwave on high. My friend and I have come to the conclusion that the flavor on the box must say, “Cow Poop” and that something that smells that foul cannot be good for you.

I think at this point my best course of action is to go around to every cubicle on the floor and take all the bags of popcorn I can find and throw them away. Or maybe I just need a vacation.