When I think about what brings me joy, I can name quite a few things. Animals bring me lots of joy. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if I could figure out how to legally do it, you'd see a giraffe in my backyard. But, I don't have a giraffe; I have dogs, and for the most part, they bring me so much joy. So, here are my girls:








And those are my joys. :o) If you would like to play, too. Go here!

Last week's weight: 145.8
This week's weight: 145.6

I was busy this week, and I'm going to be honest, I went a crazy with food! And by the time Monday rolled around I found myself wondering why I'm still doing this. See, for a lot of us, the reason we let our weight take over is very much mental. When I was at my heaviest, I can honestly say that I didn't think I deserved to be thin. I let what others said to me affect how I took care of myself. One day the light bulb went off, and I realized that I did deserve to be thin. Instead of asking why me, I started thinking why not me?

While I lost weight and was feeling great, I still let those old fears creep back into my head. I sometimes would let old habits take over and feel very bad on the inside. Doing this almost cost me some very good friendships. And I was forced to take a very deep look into my brain and realize what really was causing this nonsense. And once I did I wrote an obituary:

April Denise Holmes died this week at the age of 30. She had suffered many years of verbal and mental abuse that turned to self-sabotaging which could have cost her some very dear friendships. April prided herself in being everyone's rock and while focusing on others, she forgot to focus on herself. In doing this she wasn't the best person she could be which in turn meant she could not be the best of friends. She was finally faced with her "rock bottom" moment that led to self-discovery. This ultimately is what led to her death. She is survived by herself. This new self that while unsure of her heart right now, knows that she had held on to these self-sabotaging ways for too long. That they were hurting her and those she cared about and that was as she would put it "just lame". This new self won't forget the past but she forgives the past. What happened is important, but why it happened or who's fault it was is no longer important. This new self knows that she can still be there for her friends, but she also needs to be there for herself. And while she still has fears, they're in the back of her head instead of filling her heart. She would like to thank her friends who have been kind enough to treat her as family and hopes they know she loves them very much. She hopes to make you proud.

And it was at this exact moment that I became happy. I had to give myself a little reminder of this a few days ago, and I'm back on track!

If there are mental issues for you in your weight loss journey, remember, you ARE worth it. While you're "fixing" the outside, you have to work on the inside, too. You DESERVE to be happy. :o)

Whoa. I had a, um, well I went nuts, just a bit. I admit it. But, I'm back on track now!

1. I don’t want to even THINK about how many calories I had over the weekend.

2. I was bad. Very bad.

3. I’m a sucker for Hot Wing Dip. It was so hot, and I ate so much of it. I paid for it the next few days. Sweated bullets, if you know what I mean.

4. I’d still be eating it if I had more left. I've decided sweating bullets is worth it.

5. I also ate pizza. But I did stick with thin crust, veggie pizza. So, I guess that’s good.

6. And I’m still shredding. I even shredded yesterday after not going to sleep until after 5 a.m. the previous "night".

7. I feel too old to be staying up to 5 a.m., but I had SO much fun with the BFFs!

8. Now, I can’t wait for our Girls’ Cabin Weekend!!

9. I am a Star Trek junkie(okay, fine, I‘m a science fiction junkie), but I am NOT excited about the new movie. AT ALL.

10. I’m a little disappointed in the boy right now. I really, really wanted him to meet the BFFs on Saturday, but he bailed. He wasn’t feeling well. A couple of weeks ago I was sick with a sore throat, headache, and just overall not feeling well at all, but I managed to get my sick ass up for a few hours because I wanted to see him, so I’m feeling a little “what the hell?” right now.

11. I’m trying to cut him some slack. I swear I am.

12. My heat pump is broken. My dad tried to let me let him put in a portable unit last week and I told him I was fine. It's currently pushing 90 degrees in my house. My dad asked me if I was too hot, I told him I was fine. I wouldn't admit to him now that I would really like that portable unit. Yes, I can be a lot stubborn.

I know, not very exciting this week. Why don't you play, too? Go here!

You're reading my title and thinking I'm taking a break from shrinking, aren't you? Nope. Keep reading. After the doctor told me not to exercise until Sunday, I knew that I had a real challenge on my hands. Not only did I feel like complete crap, but I had to really try to cut my calories because I couldn't work out, and I wanted to still lose weight. My body just wasn't having it. I have such a schedule now with my food that my body gets seriously angry if I don't eat exactly what it's used to. So, that said, I did the best I could, but I probably could have done better.

Last week's weight: 145.0
This week's weight: 145.8

I'm not surprised by this tiny gain. Like I said, it was hard for me to cut my calories in order to make up for me not working out. Now, I could be hard on myself and kick myself in the ass for not eating better, but I'm not. I've decided to give myself a break. I was sick and didn't feel well, so a tiny gain isn't too bad when I look at the big picture. I just have to refocus now that I'm better.

I guess my point of all of this is to say, if you're having a rough time or for whatever reason you have a challenge that a big weight loss may not be possible, just give yourself a break. You're trying and that's important. And as long as you don't completely fall off the wagon, and you just take things day by day, the weight will come off. I have the hardest time not being hard on myself, but this week, I'm not. And that in itself is a big accomplishment for me! So, if I can give myself a break, then you can too! So, if you had a bad week, fine. Now, it's over, let's refocus and kick ass next week! What do ya say??

Ready? Here we go. Promise you won't laugh...promise! Okay, you can laugh. It's pretty damn funny.

1. On Wednesday, a doctor (not MY doctor) told me I couldn't work out again until Sunday. Even though I didn't like it, I followed his stupid orders.

2. Yesterday I was SO excited to get back to working out. I know I'm nuts, but I hate just sitting here. SO...

3. I usually shred plus I do 30 or 40 minutes extra of cardio. Yesterday, it was all I could do to get through the Shred. For two reasons: 1. I felt so out of shape. I was off exercise for less than a week, and I felt that out of shape. 2. I had to try really, really hard not to shart myself.

4. You know, a "Charlotte moment" from SATC movie? I'm sorry if it's TMI there, but it's true. I'm just glad I was at home and not at the gym. I waddled to the bathroom a few times last night.

5. I resumed normal work outs today. I started the Shred, level 2. I did 8 days (I think?) of level 1 and was bored with it.

6. My plan is to add some extra days at the end.

7. I tried really hard to cut calories last week when I was off work outs, but it was HARD. My body is used to a certain number of calories a day.

8. I plan on shredding on Saturday, but I'ma warn you now. I'm hanging out with the BFFs all day. This means good food and lots of spirits!

9. Saturday can't get here fast enough!!

10. There was a guy at the gym this evening on the machine next to me popping his gum. No matter how loud I turned the volume on my ipod, all I heard was POP! POP! POP! POP! I wanted to punch him. Or reach over and push "End Program" on his treadmill.

Okay, that is all. Wanna play too? Go here!!

Well over two years ago, I declared that I was going to be a life long bachelorette. I had my reasons for being fed up with the dating scene. It was just too much of a chore. So I gave it up. And I was happy. I vowed never to go looking for THE ONE ever again. If it happened, it happened. If not, that was just fine by me.

So, I posted here that I agreed to go out with this guy. But I haven’t said much since. So, I know you all are dying to know, right? How’s it going? What’s he like? Details!!

Yes, I am still seeing him. Not sure that I would say he's THE ONE, but there's real potential here. And because he doesn’t know my blogsite yet (at least I don’t think he does) and because he SAID he blogged about me this week, (yep. That’s right. The boy blogs.) I’m going to give you all some details.

1. He opens the car door for me. I don’t know why, but I love this. I’m perfectly capable of opening the door, but I just like that he does this for me.

2. He has dimples. They are so damn cute.

3. He’s not afraid to be a dork. This is great because I’m a complete dork. I know this and accept it.

4. He has found a tickle spot on me. Right above my knee. I could do without him knowing this weakness.

5. He coaches AAU youth soccer in our city and loves it.

6. I still like my alone time but am finding myself wanting to spend more time with him.

7. That freaks me out just a little bit. Over two years alone, you kind of get used to alone time.

8. He’s offered multiple times to come help me since I’ve been sick. I’m not ready for him to see me at my worst. (read “lying on the couch hacking a lung up”.)

9. He’s talked about doing this and doing that together in the next month or so. This also freaks me out just a little bit.

10. He’s completely supportive of my weight loss journey and tells me I look great. This is the first time I’ve ever believed this compliment coming from a guy.

11. I think he really likes me. That makes me feel good.

I guess that’s all for now! Next date is tomorrow. I can't wait!

I have looked at these posts every week since Beth started her You Capture challenge. I think hard about each subject. You see, I'm a painter and am always looking for new subjects to paint. So looking at all of the great shots you all take each week is great for me!

This week, I've decided to participate. Keep in mind, I don't own a good digital camera, so I snatched my dad's (which I hate) for a couple of hours. I also didn't do any editing since I don't know the first thing about editing photos. But here we go:

This is probably one of my favorite possessions ever. I found it when I was helping my grandmother go through some of my great-grandmother's things, and she gave it to me. It's an old Kodak Brownie.




Thanks, Beth!! This was fun! Maybe I'll participate more often! :o)

Last week’s weight: 145.2
This week’s weight: 145.0

I'm very thankful for this tiny loss. this has been a rough week. I've had to skip a couple of work outs, my food has just been okay, and water is so hard to drink right now. I'm sick.

See, I have a really bad habit of ignoring little pains and strains in my body. I know it isn’t smart, but I grew up with boys! I had to be tough! For example, I was playing in a flag football game in college. I broke my finger, ran to the sideline, popped it back into place, then went back into the game. (This finger is now slightly crooked.)

When I woke up on Thursday with my throat slightly sore, I figured this was going to be my yearly allergy "thing", so I was hoping I could just ignore this for the most part. By Thursday night, I lost my voice, and Friday I thought my whole head was going to explode. The solution? A Nyquil-induced sleep for most of the day. Saturday and Sunday I was feeling better, so I resumed work outs as normal. Then Sunday night/Monday morning, I woke up coughing. I took some Dayquil, felt better that afternoon, so I worked out again. I knew I was pushing it, though. Yesterday, I was worse. Even though I searched medical website after website looking for some nut to tell me it was okay to exercise with chest congestion, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to work out. (In case you don’t know, the rule seems to be if you have a cold and it’s from the neck up, you can work out. If the cold is in your chest, working out is a strict "no".)

I grew up having many respiratory problems, including asthma. At one point, I was on 3 inhalers and one pill. I eventually found natural ways to control my asthma. (Relax, I still have my rescue inhaler.) And I haven’t had a respiratory infection in years. I’m pretty sure that’s what I have. It’s times like this that I feel like my body has turned on me, and I hate it. But having so many problems as a kid, I know this isn’t a broken finger. For me, this is something that could easily turn into something major, so I can take a hint. Today, I’m going to the doctor, and I won’t work out until she clears me. I promise.

PS. I am very bummed I can't Shred right now. I'm hoping this is only going to be a couple of days away from shredding, so keep your fingers crossed, okay? ;o)

If there is one person on Earth that I will never understand, it’s my brother. Honestly, most of the time he annoys the shit out of me, and there are times when it’s either leave the room or go postal. My brother is 4 years younger than me, but in his eyes, he knows so much more about everything. And I know nothing about anything. Whether or not he means it, that’s the way he comes across.

I’ve learned that when he’s in one of his know-it-all moods that it’s best to not engage. This just keeps everyone happy and my blood pressure down.

So, today my mom and I were sitting at the kitchen table eating pie. (It’s EASTER, people. Give me a break. It was a small piece, I swear!) I was also writing down some healthy recipes to share with my dear sisters. (What an oxymoron that was, eh?) My brother comes into the room to get a drink of water. He then started talking about some diet plan that he discovered and how it’s the best diet plan around. There were probably a couple of “you should” sentences in there, but I had already tuned him out. I would nod occasionally so that he didn’t know I wasn’t really listening to him.

Then I hear:

“…but shit, you know what you’re doing. Sixty pounds, that’s no joke. For real.”

And he walked out of the room.

I stopped writing, looked up at my mom, who was looking back at me and I said, “did he just say what I think he said? Did he just give me a compliment?”

Her response, “Yeah, I think he did. I wasn’t really listening.”

Well. Maybe I do know a thing or two. ;o)

One thing that I love to do is paint. I've loved painting for as long as I can remember, although I never tried my hand at it seriously until I was in my teens. I'm no Picasso, but I enjoy it and will often use painting as an escape. Sometimes I paint landscapes, sometimes it's abstracts. Just whatever I feel like painting. So, since I can't think of anything else to blog about, I thought I'd share some of my work. I hope you enjoy. :o)

The End.

We are at Weigh-in #2 of our Shrink Into Summer challenge over at the Sisterhood! Are you Shrinking? Are you Shredding with us? Come on, join us!! You know you want to! ;o)

We all know that last week I had a gain of a pound, and it sucked. And honestly, I really don’t know how this week is going to go. I WANT to say I feel good about it. I’ve eaten well and added the Shred to my work out routine, but after weeks of struggling to reach the 60 lb milestone, I just don’t know what to think. So, let’s just get it over with. Going to step on the scales now…

Okay, do you guys remember the movie Twins? Of course you do. Now remember the part when all Danny DeVito’s character could do was repeat the words, “Five million dollars. Five MILLION dollars. FIVE MILLIONS DOLLARS!…”? So, picture me doing the death walk to the scales, getting on the scales, stepping off the scales because surely they were wrong, stepping back on the scales and then just standing there dumbfounded that they say that I’ve now lost 60.8 lbs. After that, all I could think was, “I’ve lost sixty pounds. I’ve lost sixty pounds. I‘ve lost sixty pounds” (This is pre-coffee, people, that’s all I have in me before I have coffee.) These words are just stuck in my head! And I am stoked!

Do you want to know why I was so anxious to get to this milestone? When I began all of this, the thought that I needed to lose 76 lbs was a lot overwhelming, so I’ve been taking this weight loss thing 10 lbs at a time. It’s like my motto has been, “focus on getting to the next set of tens”. So, to be stuck in “50-something lbs lost” or so long was frustrating. Don’t get me wrong, I know that losing 50 lbs is a huge accomplishment, and I’m quite proud of myself for that! But mentally I am just ready to focus on the “next set of 10’s”. And now I’m here and I’m going to do it! And if I can, you can! So, are you with me??

Last week’s weight: 147.6
This week’s weight: 145.2

YAY!!!

It’s been a little over two weeks since Charlotte left us. I’m doing well, but I miss her terribly.

Tonight, I sat in the floor of my living room with the intention of trying that new gadget Pedi Paws out on Kelci, my German Shepherd. I was set to trim her nails and was studying the gadget closely. Then I looked up, and she simply licked me from lips to nose. (Needless to say, my little experiment was over.) I had to go wash. And this reminded me a Charlotte story. (I’ll try not to get carried away with these, but I make no promises.)

Before she hurt her back, I would let Charlotte sleep with me sometimes. She would cuddle close at first, then head to the foot of the bed for the rest of the night. Most nights, I would forget she was there.

This was the case one night when I had to get up to pee. I woke up and headed to the bathroom. I got back into bed trying to decide if I was awake or still sleepy. At this point, I had forgotten Charlotte was in bed with me.

Not only was she in bed with me, she was sitting at my head. Quietly. I decided I was still sleepy and stretched and yawned big. Charlotte decided this was the perfect opportunity to show me how much she loved me because she licked. Right.on.my.tongue.

I gagged. I coughed. I cussed. A lot. I got up and brushed my teeth and tongue for a long, long time. Then I got back into bed and forgave her. She was just cute like that.

Ok, folks. I’m convince that there is some unwritten law that states, “April is not allowed to reach 60lbs lost.” I feel like I’ve been close to this for WEEKS, so when Flo showed up on Monday, the only thing I could think was, “Oh shit.” You all know how it goes, so I’m not going to whine about it. I've done enough of that this week. I’m also not going to say the 60lb milestone is mine next week because as soon as I do that, the sky will fall. Or something.

What I do want to say is that these past couple of weeks have been rough as far as my weight loss journey. And it sucks. Like a lot. I figure I have two choices here. I can either be hard on myself which is likely to make me do something stupid like eat a whole birthday cake (I’m quite certain I can manage that.), or I can use this annoyance to fuel my determination. So, you know what I’m going to do? Eat the cake. APRIL FOOL’S!! (I couldn’t help myself.) No, I’m going to use it to fuel my determination. It may not be next week or even the next, but feel sure that I will break that unwritten law mentioned above. I’m going to hit that milestone, and then I’m going to head on to my goal weight!! You just watch.

Have you had some stresses or aggravation with your weight loss? What will your choice be? I hope you join me and use them to help us get to our goals!

Last week’s weight: 146.6
This week’s weigh: 147.6