Weigh-In Wednesday: Deep Thoughts

Wow. We are already through with week #5 for the Sisterhood's Shrink Into Summer challenge. Only 3 weeks left! How'd ya do? I had a bit of a challenging week, but managed to pull off a TINY loss. Let's talk about it a bit, shall we?

Last week's weight: 145.8
This week's weight: 145.6

I was busy this week, and I'm going to be honest, I went a crazy with food! And by the time Monday rolled around I found myself wondering why I'm still doing this. See, for a lot of us, the reason we let our weight take over is very much mental. When I was at my heaviest, I can honestly say that I didn't think I deserved to be thin. I let what others said to me affect how I took care of myself. One day the light bulb went off, and I realized that I did deserve to be thin. Instead of asking why me, I started thinking why not me?

While I lost weight and was feeling great, I still let those old fears creep back into my head. I sometimes would let old habits take over and feel very bad on the inside. Doing this almost cost me some very good friendships. And I was forced to take a very deep look into my brain and realize what really was causing this nonsense. And once I did I wrote an obituary:

April Denise Holmes died this week at the age of 30. She had suffered many years of verbal and mental abuse that turned to self-sabotaging which could have cost her some very dear friendships. April prided herself in being everyone's rock and while focusing on others, she forgot to focus on herself. In doing this she wasn't the best person she could be which in turn meant she could not be the best of friends. She was finally faced with her "rock bottom" moment that led to self-discovery. This ultimately is what led to her death. She is survived by herself. This new self that while unsure of her heart right now, knows that she had held on to these self-sabotaging ways for too long. That they were hurting her and those she cared about and that was as she would put it "just lame". This new self won't forget the past but she forgives the past. What happened is important, but why it happened or who's fault it was is no longer important. This new self knows that she can still be there for her friends, but she also needs to be there for herself. And while she still has fears, they're in the back of her head instead of filling her heart. She would like to thank her friends who have been kind enough to treat her as family and hopes they know she loves them very much. She hopes to make you proud.

And it was at this exact moment that I became happy. I had to give myself a little reminder of this a few days ago, and I'm back on track!

If there are mental issues for you in your weight loss journey, remember, you ARE worth it. While you're "fixing" the outside, you have to work on the inside, too. You DESERVE to be happy. :o)

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Anonymous said...

Thank you...

Brooke said...

if anyone deserves it - its you.

Christy - The Sisterhood said...

WOW. Amazing. Profound.

I'm so proud of your new self. You are an inspiration.

Congrats on your loss!!!! I have some catching up to do so I can win our bet :)

Anonymous said...

Powerful post. Congratulations on both the loss and the revelation. :)

Bacardi Mama said...

Your post is amazing! Thanks for the kick in the pants I needed.

Christie O. said...

ok I LOVE THIS post. Thank you for sharing! An obit is such a wonderful thing to write for yourself so you can let it all go for once and for all!! Brilliant!

And you're right, we all deserve it. I too spent a lot of time thinking I couldn't be this or I couldn't be that. Finally, and just recently, I concluded "WHY THE HELL NOT!"

So there. Thank you! And congrats on the mini-loss. It all counts!

Kim said...

WOW!!! very thought provoking, very good idea, very healthy!

I think our 'new selves' will get along great :)

ValleyGirl said...

You have an amazing attitude! I think, in a lot of situations, it's a good idea to write things out ~ exactly the way you did ~ to help us see precisely where the problems are and where we'd rather be. It helps to set goals and priorities. It clarifies.

And clearly, it's made a huge difference in your life! Awesome progress!!!

Michelle said...

Thanks so much for writing this~!

Mommy Mo said...

Wow! Good bye Old April, Hello new April. I happen to LOVE the April I know.

Vickie said...

Sorry for being a few days late.

Great post! I needed to read this letter.

Good job on the loss!

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I'm a walking contradiction. While I love to draw, paint and read, I also love all things gadgets, science and even science fiction (I know). My animals (two dogs and two birds) are my heart, and if I could figure out how to legally own a giraffe, I would. That all said, I have my BS in Mathematics. :o)


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