Indifference

Why do I let him bother me?

Why can't I just ignore the stupid comments that he makes?

How is it that he knows just which buttons to push to make me so unbelievably angry that I could bite a nail in two?

Most of the time I can treat my brother with indifference. After all that has happened between us, indifference is the best I can offer right now. But every now and then, he will push a button and it's either scream or go home.

And rather than scream, I go home.

I miss out on time with my nephew because I can't stand to be around my brother for another second.

My mom wants us to be friends so badly. She always used to say, "Please, just try to get along." Then, 8 months ago she stopped. Because of that one night. She knows that it will never be.

I love my brother (even though some days I say I don't), but I do not like him right now, and I don't know when I will be able to like him again. My heart hurts thinking about that. It leaves me raw inside.

Maybe one day I can forgive, but right now, it's just not in me. So, he gets indifference.

Today, I let him bother me. But I will not let this turn into a bad mood. I will not let him control how I feel. I will not let him ruin what is left of this day.

For now, I will go back to indifference.

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6 comments:

imadramamama said...

You're right. He doesn't control you. Shrug it off. He's an ass. Have a beer.

Christie O. said...

i'm sorry. i don't know exactly what happened, but you're doing the right thing. forgive when you're ready.

Stacie's Madness said...

yes, this is pretty much how I am with my brother it sucks, but I have to protect myself in this situation too.

Brooke said...

i'm sorry :( it really sucks - mostly because it truly is the people that are closest to us that can hurt us the worst.

Midwest Mommy said...

Ok, I don't know the history but I can totally relate to this. I have always had to be the better person with one of my sisters and lately it is just getting too darn hard. I don't know if I can anymore. Do what's best for you.

livinginagirlsworld said...

Oh, April. You have just described the relationship I have with my brother. We've hit a point where even though he lives about a mile from me, we don't see each other unless we all get together at my parents house. It sucks. I wish it was different, but it's not.

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