Ode to Twitter

So, a very strange thing happened here this week.
It left me in such shock, I don’t know how I’m able to speak.
I picked up my phone, clicked on Twitterberry,
And what I saw next made me very wary.

Nothing, happened, the damn thing just sat there.
What the hell, Blackberry, I thought you care
About my addiction to that thing called Twitter,
And now you’re just going to sit there like a quitter?

But come to find out, it wasn’t my phone at all.
It was some dumbass attack that caused Twitter to fall.
Okay, no problem, call out the S.W.A.T. team,
Fix Twitter, and I won’t have to scream.

But, no. Nothing at all from Twitter all day.
I actually had to work, you believe that? I couldn’t play.
Today was no better, I didn’t see one tweet while at work,
I was ready to quite literally go beserk.

Twitter, why, OH, why can’t you just fix what’s going on?!
A world without you just seems so very wrong!
Please just fix whatever the hang up is now;
I need my phone to update, will you just allow?

No. Dammit. What do I have to do?
Move to a different site? Will that hurt you?
If I go home and it doesn’t work, that’s it, we’re over.
Nothing will fix our friendship. Not even a four-leaf clover.

So, I get home today, ready to leave one of my favorite sites,
And you could tell, it was thinking with all of its might.
And my homepage popped up. I could see everyone’s chatter
Nothing this evening could have made me happier!

Now, Twitter, we can still be friends
Our relationship doesn’t have to end.
But, hey, while you’re at getting things back to pretty,
Can you do me a favor and banish that HornyKitty?
Thanks so much, for that, I’ll send you flowers.
Sincerely, @aprilshowrs .

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Christy M. said...

Filarious, hooker. OMFG!!!!

*Lissa* said...


Now can you make a poem for me since I have gone TWO days w/out it working? Make sure you use words and phrases like "twitter sucks ass", "fuck", and "bullshit".


Christy M. said...

You made me piss in my pants. Thanks!

Mommy Mo said...

You are awesome! How do you come up with this shit? LOVe IT!

Heather of the EO said...

I just grinned and giggled through that whole thing. LOVE your creativity!

Maybe you can read this next year at the keynotes :)

Heather of the EO said...

I was just sitting here staring at your followers widget thinking, "why did I fall off?"

But I think the question is "how did I not click follow?"

Then I thought, oh yeah, I've just been coming here from your cute little picture on my blog.

I have no idea why I'm explaining this...

messyfunmommylife said...

This is too cute! I feel you pain

Anonymous said...

You're freakin' amazing. You crack me up...

DALewis said...

OMG I love it! You are hysterical! :)

Heather D said...

Please submit to the White House, you very well could be the next poet laureate.

Timely, poignant...and effing hilarious.

Oh my physical lord.

Anonymous said...

LOVE IT!! Especially the part about Horny Kitty - I'm sick of her too.

Elaine A. said...

You're hilarious! I missed it for one day too. I got on FB and basically said I was only there because twitter was broken! HA!

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I'm a walking contradiction. While I love to draw, paint and read, I also love all things gadgets, science and even science fiction (I know). My animals (two dogs and two birds) are my heart, and if I could figure out how to legally own a giraffe, I would. That all said, I have my BS in Mathematics. :o)


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