How Jennifer Nettles saved my life. Twice.

I was in my early twenties the first time I saw two girls kiss on TV. I wasn't sure that I liked the way my body responded to what I had just seen. Okay, no. I did like it, and that scared me, and that's what I didn't like. So, I tried to tuck it in the back of my mind and forget about it. (Except that I was totally hooked on the story of the two girls and needed to see what happened next.)

For many years, I kept that buried deep within me. Until...

In case you don't know, Jennifer Nettles is one half of the country music duo, Sugarland. One day, I set off on an internet adventure to find out more about Sugarland and I happened upon Jennifer Nettles solo site. An hour and thirty-one dollars later, one of her solo CDs what on its way to my hands.

The CD I purchased was a live acoustic concert she gave one year on New Year's Eve. What I discovered in that performance was a Jennifer Nettles that you don't normally see with Sugarland. She was amazing and I loved her solo music. I listened to it over and over and over. And over.

One night, in my dreams, I was on a tropical beach with my ipod and my sketchpad. I, of course, was listening and singing along to my Jennifer Nettles solo CD. The next thing I knew, there Jennifer Nettles was! And she liked me! One thing led to another in my dream and I woke up with a start and said, "Well, that's something new." (Except that it really wasn't, was it?)

I couldn't wait for every day to end so that I could go back to my dream where Jennifer was waiting for me. It was the best romance I had ever experienced. It was beautiful and lovely and it was the first time I felt normal in a romantic situation. However, it was just a dream, and soon I knew that what I had tried to bury for so many years needed to surface.

When I'm sad, I can't listen to music. I'm not sure why, but it's like my brain needs the silence so that everything can process. When my brain gets tired of the silence, I'll start listening to music again. A couple of days ago, I absently turned my CD player on in my car and the first song that played was Sugarland's "Little Miss". It touched me so deeply that it's the only song that I've been able to listen to.

The song repeats the words "It's alright." and "I'm okay." over and over again. And you know how they say that if you hear something long enough, you'll start to believe it? I believe it now. It's alright, and I am okay.

So, you see, Jennifer Nettles didn't really save my life, but she's helped me twice to know that I am okay. For that, I am thankful.

I'm not sure where life is going to take me now. But I know that no matter where it leads me, I am okay.

I am okay.

"Little Miss" -Sugarland

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5 comments:

Bacardi Mama said...

You are okay my friend. Okay and awesome!

Fun Pusher said...

Truer words have not been spoken (or typed). Love you, girl!

imadramamama said...

Yay! You are more than O.K. You are amazing.

Roo said...

You're better than ok in my book. :)

Jax said...

Go check out Sugarlandmusic.com they are putting together a video of how the song Little Miss has changed fans lives!! I submitted my own video! They are one of my favorite bands :D

You are amazing!

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I'm a walking contradiction. While I love to draw, paint and read, I also love all things gadgets, science and even science fiction (I know). My animals (two dogs and two birds) are my heart, and if I could figure out how to legally own a giraffe, I would. That all said, I have my BS in Mathematics. :o)

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