A Gift. No, A Headache.

**Warning! Any male visitors who happen upon this post, you may just want to continue on. It's that time of the month, and I'm going to talk about it. Thanks. ;o) **

From very early on, I've had bad abdominal cramps when I'm on my period. I would miss a few days of school every time it was that time. Sometimes, I would be in so much pain that the only thing that helped was lying on the bathroom floor.

Enter BC pills. And that helped me so much, but honestly, I hated the way I felt when I was on them, so a few years back, I took myself off of them. My cycle seem to have straightened itself out, and the cramps weren't as bad.

A few days ago, I notice that my left breast was very tender. My immediate thought is that I've done something klutzy and bruised it. (Don't ask me how. I don't always remember how I injure myself.) But there's no bruise. Hmm.

Side note: Let me stop right now and say I'm not pregnant. There's no way I could be pregnant. You have to have to be having sex in order for that to happen. I'm just sayin'.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Sore boob. Yesterday, they're both sore. GREAT. What the hell is going on? So, I squish around on both of them to make sure there's nothing out of the ordinary. And I notice they are both huge. (I hadn't noticed this before because my bra was keeping them confined.)

Now, I have to say, I'm um, well endowed. I was hoping my girls would shrink a little bit with losing 62 lbs. Nope. I guess I'm just lucky like that. But seriously? This is just insane, and they're getting in my way. (I would sling 'em over my shoulders but they'd just bounce back and slap me in the face.) A few people have told me that this can happen as you get older, but my lord. If I have to deal with sore breasts the size of melons each month, I may seriously consider-I don't know-can I just have just the cramps back? Those I can deal with.

But no, Flo had to say, "Happy 31st Birthday, April. I'm giving you sore knockers as a present." That skank.

I know some of you are going to be patting my head and say "welcome to the club". And I appreciate that you understand. But I'm just in shock at this. If I wake up with a grey hair tomorrow, I may just quit. (And that's a whole other post.)

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Anonymous said...



Definitely wasn't expecting that when you started talking about cramps.

Cramps, I could have commiserated with you.

Huge knockers? Not so much.

Anonymous said...

Mine did the same thing every month before I got preggers... and after pregnancy left them all floppy and deflated I actually rejoiced. Just this last year they've started to get so swollen and painful that they are almost perky again! It sucks... badly... I feel ya on this one!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Happy Ladies Day! The most dreaded week of the year. Yup, week. After getting "knocked-up" mine are always sore and the cramps just SUCK! Feel better woman!

ValleyGirl said...

Aw, grey hairs ain't that bad ~ I've had 'em since I was about 15!! They add character!! (at least, that's what I tell myself) The huge knockers, on the other hand, well, that's just a back ache. Sorry. Hopefully it won't be like that every month.

Mommy Mo said...

Oh, poor April and her sore knockers (snicker, snicker). I am actually giggling at this post. I have no words for you...how about a joke?

Knock, Knock...........

Brooke said...

the tiny titty patrol checking in - can't say that i sympathize. but if you'd rather have cramps it must be bad!

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I'm a walking contradiction. While I love to draw, paint and read, I also love all things gadgets, science and even science fiction (I know). My animals (two dogs and two birds) are my heart, and if I could figure out how to legally own a giraffe, I would. That all said, I have my BS in Mathematics. :o)


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