My Dad's Mom

Do you know what it’s like to not be liked by a grandparent? I do. For as long as I can remember, my dad’s mother has not liked me. (I’m not joking around. Keep reading.) So, when last week my mom told me that my grandmother had actually complained to my dad that I never come to see her, my mouth dropped open.

My first thought. Is she serious?

Of course this is my first thought every time I find out she complains about things. Which is a lot. I know I should be more respectful of my elders, but I swear to you that I have bent over backwards to win over this woman’s love. And I have failed every time.

When I was 9, I hit a growth spurt. I was so proud that I was growing taller. So, I proudly went up to her and gave her a hug and asked did I look taller. Her response : “All I see you is getting wider, not taller.” I cried.

I was the ONLY girl on that side of the family. She will wait on my brother and cousins hand and foot. If I needed something as a child, I had to get it myself.

One year, I was the only person in the whole family who didn’t get a birthday card. Nice, huh?

Every Christmas gift I ever bought her, she returned back to me the next year. I quit buying her gifts and started taking her flowers. She seems pleased with this change.

I have lost 62 lbs and she has not once said that I look good. But if I gain weight, she’s the first to say something.

See why I have a hard time with this? I finally had to just separate myself from it. These things hurt too much, and I knew that by continuing to allow myself to feel these things, I would eventually become angry with her, and I don’t like feeling angry.

I’m not angry with her. I feel sad for her. It makes me incredibly sad that someone could feel such hate for a child, not to mention her only granddaughter. What a lonely and bitter existence to go out of her way to make someone feel so rotten.

I surround myself with my mom’s parents. They are THE BEST grandparents. And I think they pay more attention to me sometimes because they know the neglect I’ve received from my dad’s mom. I realize now that I don’t need my dad’s mom’s love. Because I feel loved; I am loved. And that is enough.

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5 comments:

Andrea said...

Wow. That is so incredibly sad. Your grandmother is clearly projecting something onto you. One of my grandmothers has always been less than loving toward me but never overtly mean so I can't imagine what you go through. I am so glad you have a wonderful set of grandparents on your mother's side!

Brooke said...

that royally sucks. my 5 year old niece is experiencing something similar - thankfully that grandmother is far, far away and can only hurt her in limited spurts.

i have no clue how anyone could treat a child - much less one of their own - that way. :(

Amanda W said...

I'm no psychiatrist, but I don't think it's you she hates... just sayin'. You've gotta have issues to treat someone like that.
My dad's mom did that sort of thing to one of my sisters and I hated it.

DALewis said...

This makes me sad. No one should be treated like this by a family member - let alone their own grandmother. My grandmother (on my dad's side) did this to my younger sister. My great-grandmother (on my mom's side) did this to my Mom. It's just awful. I'm so glad you have a set of grandparents that treat you well.

Heather D said...

My step-grandmother and I have a similar relationship. I was just thinking about it today.
There are a few comments she's made to me that have really stuck.
Such as: You had such nice legs before you gained weight.
That was 10 years ago.
I just keep telling myself she's bitter cause she's old. It may be mean, but it works for me!

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