Table Topic Tuesday: 3/3

The question asked in today's Table Topic is: Who do you sorely miss?

Last week was the 6th year anniversary of my uncle's death. I've thought a lot about him lately, so my initial thoughts were that this would be my answer, then it occurred to me that there's someone else. (So, Uncle Larry, even though you pissed me off most of the time, I love you. But you're gonna have to take a backseat to this one.) While I miss my uncle very much, there is one other that I miss above all others. But to answer this question, I first have to pose a question.

Can you miss someone you never got the chance to know? My answer to this is, yes. You can. So, I sorely miss the little girl that I briefly shared space with inside of our mother's womb. I mean, I knew her for a short while, right? So, I can say that I miss her. I don't want you to think that life was completely terrible growing up, because it wasn't. But I've always felt that there was something or someone missing in our family. So, now that I know, she was the one missing, I can't help but wonder. A lot. I wonder what life would be like if she were here. How would my life had been different growing up? How would my life be different now? I admit to not being the most confident of people. I also sometimes feel out of place in my family. So, if she were here, would I have had more confidence growing up? Would I feel more at "home" in my family? These are all questions that can never be answered, of course, but I can't help to step back at family functions and think, where would she fit in this picture? Would she be arguing with our brother like I do? Or more importantly would we be bitching about our brother together? Or would she be busy chasing after her own children?

I've never really felt like a whole person. I've always felt off, if that makes any sense. Like a huge chunk of me is missing. She is missing. That was really hard for me to accept for a long time. I often felt like what did I do to deserve this? Why did I have to be deprived of her? Now I know, I didn't do just happened. Does it stink? Yes. Does that mean I shouldn't miss her, or the thought of her? No. Because I do. So much that it hurts. But now, I'm lucky to have found people that won't take her place, but they do fill a bit of the void. And that I can accept. I have to admit, though, I'd give my right arm (I need my left), to wrap my arms around her just once. Maybe one day.

So, do you want to participate in Table Topic Tuesdays? If so, answer the question on your blog, then head on over to Christy's blog and link your answer!

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I'm a walking contradiction. While I love to draw, paint and read, I also love all things gadgets, science and even science fiction (I know). My animals (two dogs and two birds) are my heart, and if I could figure out how to legally own a giraffe, I would. That all said, I have my BS in Mathematics. :o)


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