I Hate Popcorn

I’m sad to have to admit this. Some of my favorite memories of visiting my grandparents as a child was that we popped popcorn in a pot. Using something like microwavable popcorn was unheard of in my family. I used to love to go to the movies to get a bucket of popcorn smothered in the very bad for you butter (you don’t even want to know how many calories is in movie popcorn. Yes, I do know the answer to this).

But lately I’m really starting to hate popcorn. Let me explain. On the other side my cubicle wall is the floor’s kitchenette. I probably don’t need to even say more, but I’m going to. Sorry. Sort of. Sometimes this is good. I get to smell every cup of coffee brewed during the day, sometimes I get to smell some fabulous lunches being heated in the microwaves, and every now and then, I catch the best gossip that is going around the building. (I don’t make it a habit of eavesdropping, but if you’re dumb enough to say something loud enough, it’s not my fault that I sometimes hear it.) The bad thing about sitting here is that I also get to smell all the foul things that people eat. There should be a law against heating things like tuna at work.

Popcorn wasn’t always included in this list. In fact, I loved the smell of popcorn popping. Now, it makes me want to gag. I don’t know what the hell has gotten into everyone on my floor lately, but it seems like a good 2/3 of these women pop popcorn EVERYDAY. It starts at 10 a.m. which blows my mind because I’m still drinking coffee at 10 a.m. Also, at least once a day someone doesn’t use the convenient popcorn button that most microwaves now grace us with and burns her popcorn. Yesterday it happened twice.

Side story: There’s a lady on my floor that is a few bricks shy of a load. I almost feel bad for her, but she can be so hateful to people that I don’t feel bad for her. Well, someone walked off and left their popcorn to burn one day and she was in the kitchenette. I smelled it start to burn, then I heard her say, “this is starting to smoke.” I looked up. Starting? There was smoke rolling up to the ceiling. Then she said, “oh wow it’s on fire! What do I do?” Was she serious? I yelled “TURN IT OFF!!” To which she replied, “well I didn’t know if they wanted it that way.” What charred??? Yes, this is what I have to put up with on a daily basis.

To make matters worse, someone has taken to popping some sort of “organic” popcorn. Now, being the healthy eater that I am (most of the time), I’m all for these type of healthier changes. However, this is the most God awful smell I have had the displeasure of experiencing. It smells like someone has put an old pair of sweaty gym socks and set the microwave on high. My friend and I have come to the conclusion that the flavor on the box must say, “Cow Poop” and that something that smells that foul cannot be good for you.

I think at this point my best course of action is to go around to every cubicle on the floor and take all the bags of popcorn I can find and throw them away. Or maybe I just need a vacation.

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Christy M. said...

Ahhh, the fun of working in a office full of cubicles. Aside from the burned popcorn, my favorite was always reheated seafood. SERIOUSLY? That's just gross. Keep that shit at home or eat it cold.

I think the office gossip might make up for a little of the nastiness, but not much. You should totally stay late one day and confiscate all the popcorn from everyone's desk. You'll get a day or two of relief and then have the pleasure of listening to everyone gossip about who the culprit is.

Organic popcorn, huh? I'll be sure to stay away from it!

*Lissa* said...

OMG, I once worked at a place just like this, complete with the popcorn. ;o)

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I'm a walking contradiction. While I love to draw, paint and read, I also love all things gadgets, science and even science fiction (I know). My animals (two dogs and two birds) are my heart, and if I could figure out how to legally own a giraffe, I would. That all said, I have my BS in Mathematics. :o)


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